New Life!

Today the family I have been blessed to babysit for this past year is welcoming a new sweet cuddly, and precious baby to the family. I can't wait to see what he looks like and to hear him coo so sweet, and that sqeaky newborn cry....

If he looks anything like the first one, they'll have to start a modeling agency... seriously...

Just look at the first one!

This is my Hud-muffin back in July... sigh... PRESH!

So say your prayers for the Andrews family today as they welcome sweet Freddie to the world! I hope to post pics after I see them this weekend!

How?

do you take the next step when you can't see the edge?

so many question marks right now and a spinning head... just wish I could be "normal" according to every one else, and soon...

I keep thinking I am overcoming the things that have held me back, and then one more thing comes up and cripples me with fear...

I can't even begin to give you a reason, and Lord knows I can't give myself one either...

I'm not sad, I'm just aggravated that this is so annoying and irritating!

Quality...

So I have been soooo good this week! My attitude has changed, I'm right on top of my Bible study, I'm checking things off my list, I'm praying all the time, and have even been able to help friends out a few times, and the week's not over yet!

I'm not bragging. At. All. I'm just pleased with myself, b/c I know the way my attitude was even just last week, I thought it was going to be months before I felt "normal" again... so sue me... I'm actually happy...

I thought I'd be able to cook more, but I went to cook and was missing the pan... damn the pan! So now I have to go buy a new cake dish.. you know, the big standard 9x13... thinking of getting glass so it won't rust... I hate the ones that rust!

The past few years I have had a "focus" for my year, and I was a little disappointed this year, new decade and all, and I had nothing, I was "blank"... But over the past few weeks of going through my things, getting a pile or few ready to discard, checking things off my list, I have realized that my focus this year is going to be "Quality"...

Quality people.

Quality time with God.

Quality music.

Quality food.

Quality dates. (and I will have dates, dang it!)

Quality television. (yes, I'll still watch Jersey Shore, but those are quality accents, yo')...

I want a quality way of life... I don't just want to live, I want a good life. I want the life God has intended for me...

Quality...

Twenty Ten

I spent the last few months of 2009 feeling completely unsettled, weird, out of place, out of sync, and just all around funky... I cried, had no emotion, and if I did, I was crying, and couldn't make a decision to save my life... I went to friends birthdays, helped them celebrate, but ultimately ended up at home b/c I was the Debbie Downer... I faked my smiles more than not, and couldn't see the joy in much...

Then this past week, slowly, with the cold air, each day got a little less cloudy... and my reflection on what I want out of this year has formed, so I'm gonna try to relay it to you... it makes sense in my head, so I guess that's all that matters... but here it is...

I have been a people pleaser my whole life. In some way I know I always will be. However, my awareness that pleasing other people doesn't get me any closer to God, I'm going to do my best to follow the path that pleases God, and thus will ensure my happiness. He only wants the best for me, and I have to let him do that. That's in trust. I'm going to trust God...

Other things I want to focus on this year are:

1. More time in the Word.

*solid and regular Bible studies with my small group, and really putting the time and effort in to all of it... not just half way...

*Don't just speak to God, but listen to Him, as well.

*Enjoy the silence...

2. Be more creative.

*Card making, Stamp camps, Scrapbooking, Photography, Writing (see previous post), flute

3. Be healthy.

*Eat better

*Be fit

*Finally quit smoking - I've cut back and don't do it much outside of drinking (being in an environment where others are doing it is HARD!)

*Drink less... this means I'll not be at as many shows, or surrounding myself with opportunities to do it... and if I do, minimize how much... there's no need to be excessive... I want to remember my moments, not drink to get through them...

Other little things I want to enjoy this year are:

1. Expanding my recipe repertoire, and try to cook at least one or two new meals a month (seeing as how I'll have leftovers for like a week with each one...) (I got the new Pioneer Woman cookbook, so I have to find a way to make them "healthy"... yikes, but YUM! and I also got the "Music in the Kitchen" cookbook by Glenda Facemire. It's recipes from musicians who have place Austin City Limits over the past 20 years. Glenda is the make-up artist for the show... DEFINITELY a cool book, even if you don't cook)

2. Read at least 2 books a month - 1 pleasure/easy reading and 1 self improvement / leadership book.

3. See more people... know more people... love more people...

4. Experience things outside of my comfort zone... make my heart beat a little faster...

I'm gonna live life that makes me happy,my way, with God's help... If that's not good enough for you, then it doesn't have to be... I'm not selfish, nor am I trying to be that way, but pleasing others hasn't gotten me anywhere other than not feeling good enough, and God tells me I am plenty...

So if my life doesn't make sense to you, maybe it's not supposed to. Just know that it's enough for me :)

Happy Twenty Ten, Friends!

~C

Lemme See Your...

whoa.. don't go gettin' all dirty minded and stuff...

But a few weeks ago I had a guy at church ask me about a calendar for our Singles program, which I tried to get going last year. I tell him I've kinda let it go... well here's the rest of the convo:

Him: Well is it something you are passionate about?

Me: No, not really... I mean I want a program to exist, but I was hoping someone would be excited to take it over and I could help facilitate events...

Him: Well what are you passionate about?

*sidenote... this guy's a VERY accomplished musician with a Pop/Christian band creation and top 40 success under his belt, with awards and framed gold records hanging on his walls... and I only know this b/c I babysit for him and his wife...

back to the conversation:

Me: well, I love music... (for those that don't get that whole music thing, the LAST person you want to tell that your passionate about music is a musician... b/c then you just sound like an idiot who doesn't know the first thing about anything and you go dumb... )

Him: well do you want to sing, play an instrument, write? What do you do for real joy?

by this time I know where this is going and it's definitely a "God-led" conversation, and I start getting nervous, not scared but more like, ok God, where are you taking this one????

Back to convo:

Me: no, not sing.. I mean I can, and love to, but the stage is not for me... no way can I sing like those other girls... whoa! And instrument, I was a music major in college, played the flute and piccolo, but haven't touched that in years... and I miss it, but I don't think that's the "it" either...

What I love most are the words... I like the way they make me feel, how I react to them, how someone can say something that's been said a million times a different way and I get the light bulb that goes off... and then the world makes sense... I used to write poetry a long long time ago and I loved doing it... then I fell in to 'stupid', got distracted and forgot about it...

Him: well it sounds like you need to get back to writing again... expressing yourself, not letting life and other people get in the way of what you have passion for...

Me: yeah, I probably do

Him: well, I'm going to be on you to make sure you give that some focus.. I wanna see what you can write... I want samples of what makes you feel those things... (um, did I mention he was a member of and songwriter for a popular top 40 and Christian band, nevermind he's written for numerous others and been an album musician for quite a few ppl, too... )

Me: um, ok... (heart racing, get me out of this conversation NOW!!!) I gotta run, so ttyl...

That was a Sunday... on Wednesday night I get a FB message from him saying that he would like to see what lyrics I can come up with for a popular contemporary song, but using lyrics from the angle that people don't expect God to show up in places... nope, not on God's love, or questioning his existence, but forgetting that he's everywhere... H.E.A.V.Y.

He needed it by Friday afternoon... Wednesday night - Friday afternoon... um HELLO!!! haven't written in years.. how in the heck am I supposed to do THAT?

So I open the Bible and start looking for scripture, using the internet, and I have a heart that is heavy with burdens over a friendship and organization that dissolved, or rather was in question, and my mind was in a million directions...

Somehow, someway, I got it done... I have no idea if they used it in church or not, but I was pretty happy at how it turned out. It was from the perspective that we go through our daily routine and it becomes something we can do with our eyes closed and pay no mind to anything or even God... then one day we are reminded and it all starts becoming more amazing and more meaningful.

I thought I was done.. I dodged the 'bullet'...

This week he posted and said "Let me see your lyrics" .. meaning he wants to see what I have written before...

I haven't responded... I'm nervous that he'll think they are a little 'old'... so I want to write again, but i have NO clue where to start... I'm pretty sure writing about how my dog makes me laugh isn't what he's going for...

so I am starting to write here again, looking for inspiration and getting used to using this thing more often...

and I wanna meet more bloggy people...

1 hr and 55 minutes from now...

will officially be my 34th birthday... woop-tee doo...

not really...

I'm sitting in bed and all I can do is think about how much I don't want it to come... I don't want to be another year older, I don't want to be reminded of it...

Goodness!!!

No, not an expression, but a noun! There is SO MUCH GOOD-NESS going around, that it's exciting and has me a wee bit giddy!

Baby J should make his appearance this week, and I'm praying for mama, daddy, baby, for all to be healthy and see love in the best way! Hope I can meet the little guy at Thanksgiving!

Amberlyn is doing well! She got her chest tubes out and is in recovery from her double lung transplant (AMEN!)

God took my mom's Aunt Beth home yesterday morning, so please pray for my Grandmother, as she has the burden of seeing things through, and has worries and uncertainties in front of her. She's doing so well, so I know the prayers ahead of time were perfect!

I spent my weekend in the DFW area, spending some good quality time with my parents. It's nice to do that sometimes! Dad washed my car, put air in the tires, checked the oil, looked underneath, diagnosing where the hole is in the muffler/tail pipe (my maintenance guy at my apt and stopped and told me he was hearing it... AMEN!) As I was watching him show his love language (Acts of Service - from The Five Love Languages), I kept referring to my car as "Betsy", so "Betsy" she is... no earthly clue where this came from... but now it's me and Betsy...

The other part of my weekend was at the SoZo Global National Launch. The people I had the opportunity to meet are just incredible! One guy used to be the CEO of Comcast, and is now spearheading the Social Networking aspect of the business, another just sold his multi-million dollar marketing company to be a part of SoZo as the head of Marketing, and the president of SoZo was Earnst & Young's 2008 Entrepreneur of the Year. Clearly, I am surrounding myself with people with proven potential. I can't wait to see how well this business grows this year! Let me know if you are interested in the product... our latest report shows we have over 2o servings of fruits and veggies in one 3 oz. serving! Not to mention all the health benefits that come with it!

My other opportunity, viva chocolato, is getting up off the ground! lots of opportunities for corporate gifts, wedding favors, event catering, teacher gifts, party trays, gift baskets, etc. all of taht can be done and personalized! To see what ideas we are coming up with is so exciting and I am LOVING that creative outlet! I never would have thought I would be so blessed to have people truly value my opinion and see it bring profit! I've also learned that Viva is a storefront for Charity. After costs are covered, the store is designed to feed local charities with funding. There are over 70 local charities that benefitted from donations thru Viva Chocolato last year. How cool is THAT??? God is putting me to work for His glory! That feels AMAZING!!!

Viva is about to get a whole new look on the website that will drop sometime this week, hopefully. We will be adding more options and pricing for our party favors, treats, and gifts. I'm also handling all aspects of the social networking side for Viva Chocolato. This job was made for me!

See what I mean about GOOD-NESS??? Babies, Health, Heaven, Peace, Chocolate, SoZo, Viva Chocolato, Charity, Blessings... it's all GOOD!

I got a gig...

So I know you guys have heard me or seen me post about employment prospects and such, and it's way more than I can post on a status update or twitter tweet, so I'll explain it all here... hope it makes sense to you guys, b/c it works for me!

I've been volunteering this summer for a non-profit called "ParentRise", which is a resource and minstry for Single Parents. Through this incredible group of women on the Board, I was blessed to be connected to Melissa Adams and her husband, Mark. They are owners of a high end European Chocolate and Gelato shop called Viva Chocolato. During my job hunt, the board president mentions that Viva is looking for an Asst. Mgr. for the store, and that I should call. It wasn't really what I was looking for, but I figured, eh, it was something, and I loved the ppl and the product, so it could do until something more permanent came along. I have a meeting with the mgr and find out that they have already just hired someone for the Asst. Mgr. BUT... there was an email from a prayer team member detailing what she had just prayed for, as the store has been struggling a bit, and they were praying for ways to increase the revenue. This woman detailed out a position for an outside sales rep... just so happens my background is in sales...
So there's job #1... i'm working with the mgmt team to bring in business to the store via event planners, special orders, online orders, social media, and other special store events.

Knowing that the Viva thing wasn't going to be part time, Mark and Melissa have a business partner, John, who is an entrepreneur that invests in 7 different business ventures. One of his ventures will roll out Nov. 7th in Dallas and that is SoZo. I'm now his part time to full time Office and Pipeline manager. I handle all the in-house business, and he is out recruiting and meeting clients. I will also have presentations to organize and lead, as well as general customer service duties. This is hourly with insurance after 90 days plus a monthly bonus.

I'm still on unemployment until this gets up off the ground, so I am ready for it to take off!!!

I'm sure some of this stuff will change, expand, define itself, but it's my starting place and it's mine. This is what I have been praying for and I know with out any doubt at all that this is tailor made especially for me! Thank you, Jesus!

Oh, and I started a new small group tonight, so I'm excited to dive back in to exploring the religious depths again. I needed a jump start, and I believe I've got it!

*please keep amberlyn in your prayers! she was moved up to #1 on the national transplant list today, so pray her lungs come soon! she's still sedated and intubated. Most likely she will stay that way until her transplant.

*also, there's a few people I love that have lost loved ones this week, so lift them up, too!

Thanks for reading!

Sunday Meh-day

Here's my data dump - free-my-mind style

1. I really pray that Amberlyn gets her new lungs soon!

2. I really pray, too, that God takes Aunt Beth sooner than later. No need to delay the inevitable... (no, not being cruel, she's almost 90, has had a severe stroke, and has an internal infection... hospice has been called in)

3. The pregnancy storyline on Glee is LAME! I am getting disappointed with the story... the music, however, still ROCKS!

4. I still love Blue October... I will see them 2 times in November... hurry up already, October! Get on outta here!

5. I will be away from home for the next 3 weekends... Houston, Houston, DFW...

~ Sister's B-day celebration, Meaux-de-gras style, WOOT!

~ High School Football game and band nerd reunion... same day as the 10 yr anniv. of my grandfather's passing...trying to make it a happy day!

~ National roll out for SoZo (the new product I'm pimping for my boss... yes... new job! double WOOT WOOT!)

6. I REALLY want the new power cord I ordered for one of my external hard drives to come in... I have a TON of tunes on there and I want to get it ALL organized... 100% (not to mention the pics...)

7. I am going to love working from home so much... tons of PERKS!

~ Bella time... more time with the pup is always awesome!

~ the dress code is AWESOME!

~ the commute is even more AWESOME!

~ I will be able to write off a portion of my rent, internet, home phone, and cell on my taxes, not to mention other outside reimbursements... (food, gas, product, etc)

8. I can't wait to get started on the Viva Chocolato job... I'll be doing outside sales, trying to set up parties, cater weddings, corporate gifts, gift baskets, etc for high end European truffles (If you are interested lemme know! or connect me to event planners! Christmas is right around the corner!)

9. I'm super content right now with how my life is shaping up.

10. I'm becoming more crafty and have picked out a design for my home made Christmas cards... I'll make a test card this week to check out the process and see what I wanna change... (found it on the Archivers website)

11. I twitter a LOT... I make no apologies for it. I have fun interacting with ppl, and most days that and facebook are the only times I get to "talk" to people outside of work... As the work increases, the usage will prob go down.

12. I'm still praying for Amberlyn. Please don't forget about her. She's 20 yrs old with Cystic Fibrosis. She needs a double lung transplant NOW!

13. I've sent emails to a few people on facebook and have gotten no response. One was to the pastor who baptized me as a child. I know it shouldn't matter, but it does.

14. The other email was to my roommate from college who basically ignored me, talked behind my back, and turned up her nose to me. I don't even like her. I just wanted to reach out to her and say hello. This shouldn't bother me either, but it does.

15. I ignored phone calls from a guy who had asked me to dinner. He seemed nice enough, but (and there's always a "but" these days) He had asked me what I was looking for (relationship, one date, one night stand, fling, etc...) and I responded "relationship" and my reasons why, one of them being I wasn't looking for any sort of physical intimacy, the next question out of his mouth had to do with favorite positions. GAH! the one after that was about my preferred night time attire, and the one after that was about sleepovers and my ideas about cuddling... but he's not looking for that... he was just curious... YEAH, um... LIAR! this is why I don't date, or have relationships... even the innocent ones are guilty. Oh, and have I mentioned that I don't really trust men? Yeah, there's that, too... but men like the one above just reinforce my walls even more... I just want a guy to want to be around me for me... not for what they think they're gonna get... (rant over, sorry... my mind was full of these thoughts!) Point being, I set the date and never cancelled. Nor did I pick up the phone and tell him no. I just hit the ignore button on my phone. Seemed to be wasting time even calling him back.

16. There are lots of babies about to be born. October, November, December, January, February, March, April... and those are the ones I know of... I can't wait to meet all of these little blessings and pray for all of them to have safe arrivals.

17. trying to plan a menu sucks, but I need one.

18. trying to plan a "schedule" sucks even worse, but I have to limit my time with Bejeweled.

19. I'm addicted to the new version of Bejeweled Blitz... I want to be number one and I hate when I move down a spot... I want the expert level!

20. Finally, if you haven't seen Modern Family this season, you are missing out! Go watch the first episode, and the most recent one... I think they are the funniest.

That's all for now... I'll try to be more introspective and thought provoking next time... This is how my mind's running around here lately... hoping that by taking the SoZo each day that my mental acuity comes in to place, as it should, so that I can stay focused and work with more determination and purpose.

Hope each of you are having a fabulous day!

(oh and if you're reading, just comment with a "Hey" so I know who you are... I'm just curious... thanks!)

XOXO

C

And then I was still...

I have been busier than I realized, and only realized it when I sat still this week. It hit me Monday as I opened my eyes "I have nowhere to go and nothing I have to do"... there was a time that this would excite me, but right now, I WANT to be busy... I WANT to have important things to do, (in my best Bridget jones voice)... because I am a very important person! HA!

All jokes aside, I have had a beautifully awesome few weeks! I have been busy with ParentRise, as well as getting geared up, jotting down ideas and avenues for my job that I'll have part time working with Viva Chocolato, and attending meetings and learning about SoZo, which I will be working for one of the founding distributors, helping him manage his downline, events planning, office manager, etc. The biggest perk in all of this is that I get to do most of this work from home! I know Bella will be happy I don't have to leave every morning, and I will make my schedule work for me, and I'll be saving on gas money!

I also got to head up to Denver to visit my sweet friends, D'Anne, Toby, & their 3 yr old, Tater Tot...

We had the best time just being around each other, with no major plans. We did go by the Columbine Memeorial, which was just beautiful. I never did ask about Columbine, as I always thought of it as just something to remember, not glorify as a tourist destination. D asked if I wanted to see it, and I said sure, we could drive by... so we went up and saw the memorial. It's hard to explain the design but the gist of it is that it's an outer circle and an inner circle. The outer circle includes quotes from surviors, students, teachers, parents, the President (Clinton), etc. Each one of them made me breathe a little deeper and have some sense of shock and sorrow. but most of all, the love of God, and appreciation of Him showing up that day was outstanding. In case you don't remember, there were students shot and killed for admitting to the boys doing the attack that they were Christians and they loved God. Here are a few of the quotes:

"I would be misleading you if I said I understand this. I don't" (student)

"It brought the nation to its knees, but now that we've gotten back up how have things changed; what have we learned?" (unknown)

"He was a 4.0 student before he was shot and paralyzed and he remained a 4.0 student after. And (but remember) this was a kid who had to re-learn to read and write (before he could graduate)." (injured victim's family)

"I didn't have any answers." (student)

"I'm trying to raise my kids normal, even though I'm not normal anymore." (parent)

"Columbine was a momentus event in the history of the country...Even in the midst of tragedy we've seen the best, the best there is to see about our nation and about human nature." (President Bill Clinton - at groundbreaking)

"Nobody ever trained for this. We were just teachers doing what we did every day." (faculty)

"Those of us who are people of faith in this community turned to God, found he was there and found he wasn't silent." (unknown)

A kid my age isn't supposed to go to that many funerals." (student)

And that's just a sample of what was on the outer walls. The inner circle had 13 sections. One for each deceased victim to tell who they were, and what they stood for. I was beautiful and moved me to tears. When we were done reading and reflecting, we moved over to the fountain, sat on the edge and just said a quick prayer for the families and friends affected directly by this pain and that God's grace and continued love would continue to pour over them and heal their wounded spirits.

If you ever make it up to Littleton, CO, I recommend that you check out the Columbine Memorial. Not so much as a tourist destination, but as a place to reflect on the way life changed that day and to remember those that were taken as angels. They stood up for God that day, and he rewarded their souls by taking them to Heaven.

The rest of the Colorado trip was fun. We drove thru Golden and saw the Colorado School of Mines, which my dad attended, as well as drove by the Coors Brewery. It was such a cute little town! I'd love to go back and spend some time there at a B&B some day. We packed some boxes, listened to music, sat on the patio, played with some precious kiddoes, and even had a birthday party at Build-A-Bear... remind me to never think that it's a good idea for the future... too chaotic for my taste... I'm a control nut ;)

After returning home, I had 3 days of 'rest', ish... and then it was time for ACL Fest... that's a whole other blog on it's own... I'll start working and reflecting on that soon!