Feels like Friday... but...

It's only Thursday.

I think this week has been on of the toughest, as far as WODs are concerned.  SO many shoulders!!! And SO much running!!! It all feels extra heavy, but I feel like I'm finally getting my work out back...

Maybe it was stepping on the scale (I know, I know...blah).
Maybe it's getting those baby runs in on Saturday.
Maybe it was the longer 800m run on Monday.
Maybe it's having my food in order.
Maybe it's a little bit of all of that combined.

I dunno. I feel like my schedule is falling back in place and that's a really good feeling. What didn't feel so great is knowing what I weighed a month ago, getting on the scale this week and seeing that it'd gone up another lb and a few oz. My clothes aren't feeling very comfortable right now.  the back and arms thing, I know that's muscle related, but the pants being too tight, the jeans that feel like I'm encased like a sausage, the shirts that ride up, the saddle bags that seemingly have come back overnight, my self image and confidence have taken a hit and it's all my fault.

Today I wore leggings and a super slouchy loose knit sweater thing.  I lucked out that it's long and covers my bum.  I couldn't handle another day of wondering if I'd be able to wiggle out of my clothes.

I'm actually feeling pretty confident about the WOD tonight... it includes Weighted sit-ups, which is one of my faves... and let's be honest, I could really use the fluff help. One of these days, when I'm not hitting my gut with the barbell when I'm doing cleans, I'll think it's funny.

Right now, it's just depressing

Running "Jackie"

Honestly, I wasn't sure what I was going to do when I walked in to the box yesterday.  I'd seen the WOD posted, and saw the 800m run to kick it off...

This was after doing a 5x5 backsquat pre-WOD. (I'm still trying to work my way back up on that one...

That being said, legs were already going to be worked before I hit the concrete.

Row or Run.

That was my question.

What was going to leave me with enough gas in the tank to knock out 50 35# thrusters when I got done?

And THEN allow me to be consistent with the 30 assisted pull ups I still had on the table after the thrusters.

This was my first time meeting "Jackie", I think, so I didn't have a lot to go off of. I only knew "the foot" and that I'd just done my first set of 200m runs on Saturday that didn't bother me at all, so....

I ran the 800.

The fun thing is that it didn't totally suck. I actually made it to about the 600m point before I paused and walked a few steps before finishing it out.  It was so much easier to do than a 400.  I just think 400s are the WORST!

Those thrusters?  I did them in sets of 10 for the most part.  the last 2 sets, those were broke down into 5s.  I didn't feel like dying. THAT is a miracle! Thrusters are the worst lung burner ever. Imagine squishing your diaphragm and trying to breathe.  It just sucks. But at 35#s, manageable.

The pull-ups, though... I even used the bar w/ the grip on it, used the green w/ the black bands, and I still lost SO much time.  My height was consistent, (I think), but I kept feeling dizzy, and out of sync, so I had to keep resetting.

I finished in 14:06. It's a time that needs improvement, but it's a time that I'm okay with.  I've learned to allow myself a few moments of leniency. to adapt to the things I can, and not let the others weigh down my progress.  Every day I'm there, I'm getting stronger.

I've also been good and feel GREAT with getting my food back on track.  It seems like it's been months since I can confidently say that, and I'm sure it has been... I hate getting lazy, being lazy, and staying lazy... but I'm SO good at it...

touche'.

I start my next 24 day challenge on Monday, Feb. 2nd. I can't wait! I'm ready to get rid of the toxins, up my energy, sleep better, feel better, and lose a few lbs & inches along the way. I'll be sure to share results as I go along. 

ALLLL the Running!!!

The last time I ran in a WOD was Oct. 29, 2014.

I haven't run any, other than a jog from my door to the grass so Bella could sniff all the grass.

Today it was 200m x3.

Being mindful of putting equal pressure on my foot, a steady pace, not too fast (really, that's never been a problem, HA!), and leading with the left foot.

The weighted / overhead lunges are still a no go... I tried, but ended up subbing them out with weighted squats.  Not the same, but still working my legs. *YAY*

I'm still nervous about trying out the burpees, but I guess they will happen when my foot is 100% ready.  I'm not going to do anything too fast. That being said, I'm getting SO strong with my pushups.  My Triceps are going to be huge! HAHA!

Not really, but they feel like the size of baseballs when they're on fire.

It took me a while to get to the point where I didn't feel like 200 was going to kill me.  And 400s, haha, what a joke.  I didn't love the 400s before injury, and I don't think I will love them when I'm back on my game, but honestly, I'm appreciating every step more and I know when I need to pull back.

If I've learned anything in all of this ridiculousness, it's to listen to what my aches and pains are telling me and when it doesn't get better, pushing it just to be in the game won't do me any favors.

I'm SO lucky to have the coaches and the members around me that I do.  I know for a fact that if I'd had this happen on my own, I would have quit. I would have been so discouraged and I would have fallen back in to 2009 all over again.

So bring it on.

ALL the Running!!!

In case no one has told you lately...

I want YOU to know...

You are worth SO much more than you can ever imagine.

Trust me.



Few things break my heart more than seeing the friends I love and cherish devalue themselves or become blind to seeing their self worth;  compromising their core because they don't know or see how to change their circumstance, or maybe they don't think about it, it just becomes a 'fight or flight"...

Obviously, I'm not in that situation, but we've all been in and through things that we react first and respond to later, or maybe we don't respond at all, but deep down know we aren't in the right place.

Be strong enough to do what you need to do for you and those you love.
Be strong enough to make the best choices, not the easiest ones.
Be determined enough to pursue those things with complete abandon, regardless of what those around you think.
Do it because it's what is right for you, not just what is right now for you.
Don't sell me on your justifications. If it's the right thing, you won't feel like you have to.
Don't explain them.
DO them.

I don't judge you.
I choose to care.
I choose you to be in my sphere, near or far.
I'm influencing you, and I wouldn't be doing it correctly, or appropriately if I didn't encourage you to CHOOSE YOU!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I have a friend who I know needs to see the above, which was my motivation for writing it.  Who knows, maybe you did, too. OR maybe you have someone who does?  If that's the case, don't be afraid to tell them.

This is what I do know... I struggle with choosing myself ALL THE DANG TIME!
I find myself wanting to choose things for others, and a lot of the time, I end up hurting myself, mentally, emotionally, bad diet, messy house, stress, fitness, other relationships / friendships, etc.

The balance is SO hard to achieve in living a good healthy life, being a good friend, a solid positive influence, and not forget about yourself, without sounding selfish. But I believe that sometimes being selfish is exactly the best thing and can bring some of the best moments, not just for you but for those around you, too.

I've skipped out on invitations to dinners, drinks, bar hops, out of town trips, concerts, painting classes, all kind of fun things, and made choices that were better for me, and thus allowing me to be better for my friends.  Sometimes there are those that don't understand it, and for them, well, their loss, honestly.

So don't forget to take care of yourself and in doing so, you'll help take care of those around you.

Paleo Baseline = Suck.

So each year we do our Paleo challenge, which comes with a Baseline WOD that we do on days 1 and 30.

I told you guys yesterday that I wasn't prepared, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that I was woefully unprepared. I just sucked.

My time and performance yesterday was so sub par compared to what I know I can do.  I just didn't have anything in the tank to get it done the way I wanted to.  Realizing that I have to work back up to things I was doing with ease before, switching from a 14lb wall ball to a 10 lb one, doing a green band pull up, wishing I'd used a green / black combo b/c my body weight felt like 2 tons, pulling the rower felt like I was never going to get to the end...

The only thing I did feel really good about was my bench press after the WOD was done.


The lesson:

A fellow crossfit friend called me last night after her Baseline WOD, and she was equally as frustrated with her performance.  I found myself giving her the advice I needed to hear myself.

We may not be where we want to be, we may be slow, we may be last, but we're ahead of where we were a year ago.

It comes down to this.

As a flute student, if I wanted to get better, I had to practice.  I took private lessons. I spent HOURS with just me and my instrument working on scales, breathing, noodling, transitions.  Micro-movements with my pinky finger.  Every single tiny element had to have focus and study in order for me to get better.  Just showing up and playing through the 30-45 mins in class each day wasn't going to make me a better flute player.  I had to be the student of my instrument, of my skill. That was on me.  I didn't get to be first chair because I was cordial.  I earned it by being a good student and knew my craft and my instrument.

The same thing goes for Crossfit.  Me showing up and working out each day isn't going to necessarily make me better, more efficient, more apt.  I have to practice even when I'm not there.  I have to take my own time to come in and work on the elements I want to get better at.

I want to run faster?  Practice running. Break down my movements. Focus on the short run.  Focus on my breathing.  Focus on how my foot rolls when I'm moving forward.

Every single tiny element makes a difference.  Transitions. Shoes. Arms. Shoulders. Tension (or lack there of)... Everything.

Break it down.

Get better.

I've got 29 days until we do this WOD again. I'm going to be working on the things I can do to improve my time.  I know I can do this and shave a good 5 mins off.

Goal set.

Getting my legs going again

Today the box is kicking off their 30 day Paleo challenge.  I'm participating, and doing my best to keep things on track, food wise.  I definitely need to track my food & stay accountable.

I'm not prepared at all.

I didn't go to the store yesterday. I don't have a lot of food at home, but I have a few things that can pass for paleo in the fridge / freezer, so I will do what I can and be mindful of it all.

The Paleo Baseline WOD is posted and ordinarily I'd be pumped to get it done, but after my foot issue, I don't know that I can actually push thru all of it, so I'll most likely end up doing a modified version with rowing instead of running, push ups and step ups instead of the burpee box jumps...

I want to run so bad, I just know I'm not ready for it... I need to work up to it a little bit more.

I'll show up today, and I'll do what I can.

Mentally, I'm just not in the game yet... I'm not prepared with the food, I haven't gone to the store, I don't have the funds to really do it yet...

But these are all excuses. I have to jump in and make this work the best I can.

I refuse to be the same as I was last year.

More Samantha, Less Charlotte

It struck me today, during a text convo w/ a girlfriend, wondering if the new designer brand purse she bought was too big, that we (women) seem to shy away from going "BIG", as in "bold", and when is that appropriate, or okay to do, like maybe we're afraid to offend or come off as showboats or braggarts.

I think I'm pretty balanced when it comes to doing that... being bold.  It's something that I've had to learn, because it doesn't necessarily come easy to me; to do something to draw attention to myself, and I often find myself apologizing for it when it's really not necessary to do so.

Luckily, I've been ridiculously blessed with new friends in the past couple of years who have taught me that there's grace in being bold, and that it really is okay. Friends that aren't afraid to take ridiculous & fun pictures, splurge on a whimsical purchase, go on a random trip because we can, wear bright red lipstick, and obnoxious amounts of animal print, be the fun group, not the quiet group... you know the kind of girls I'm talking about.  The "Sex in The City" group you see walking down the street... Some days I really do feel more like the "Charlotte", wishing I could let it go and be more "Samantha", even a "Carrie" is good, too and it's doable with the right friends walking with me.

Maybe this is just all in my head, trying to balance being polite and being excited and proud to wear a new dress, drive a new car, show off my latest Kendra Scott piece(s), share my latest accomplishment in the gym, etc...

Maybe it's because I'm staring at 40 in the face and I'm a little sad about all the things I've not done, and don't really see happening that I somehow expected by this point, letting go of those expectations, and having a quiet exit, stage right...

But the times I remember to do this, to be bold, and maybe a little obnoxious when I let my guard down, I have fun.

It's okay to be proud.
It's okay to be loud.
It's okay to be bold.
It's FUN to be fancy.

You can do all of this and be graceful.

Just balance it out and find the girlfriends who show you how.

Quality: Focus 2015

I always seem to find myself focusing on something, a theme or vision, every time the new year comes around.  Maybe because my birthday happens at the same time.  Maybe because I visit with family and exchange cards and gifts with people I don't see nearly enough.  Maybe because I have some kind of hope that things can get better, and maybe some day I won't have to feel so defensive all the time, and might actually let my walls down.

Maybe I just want more.

I think it's healthy to want more.  Not necessarily stuff, but goals, dreams, wishes, hope... It's all pretty open ended.

Last year I kept coming back to "authentic"... real people, real food, real relationships... authentic, not fake. I think I did pretty good.

A few years ago, the Prayer of Jabez was a big deal. I was focused on expanding my territory, impacting others positively, broadening my sphere of influence.

This year, it's Quality.

Quality Time
     with 
Quality People
     in
Quality Relationships
     having 
Quality Conversations
     doing
Quality Things
     eating
Quality Food.

Quality workout efforts. - No half-assed "just to get it done" 
Quality purchases.
Quality products.

Quality.

My standards are high.

I've asked my facebook and twitter connections for feedback on what they think of when they see the word "Quality".  It can be a thing, a feeling, a perception, whatever they want it to be.  If you read this and we aren't connected "IRL", comment here. 

Be empowered, 
Hold your standards high, 
Be satisfied.

Have quality.

Happy 2015 to you! I can't wait to see what's ahead for each one of us.


     

2014 Out.

The breakdown of 2014

210.

The number of WODs I completed in 2014.  My last WOD of the year.

59

The number of weeks I've been to crossfit since I started in Oct. 2013.

4
The fourth WOD of the week


I'm not sure what I thought I'd feel when I hit that number, or even what number I expected to hit, but this is it... this is what I did in a year. I'm content with it.  365 days. I lifted, ran, pulled up, sweated and gained for 210 of them.  So that is what it is... My only goal in that regard, for next year, is to match it, or beat it, but have a balance between gym, work, and life, too.

It's been interesting, this full year of crossfit.
I've learned that I really do love having the barbell in my hands.
I felt the pause at the top of what will lead to me achieving a "Toes2Bar".
I hit the 100# bench press.
I've gained the weight I wanted to lose.
I've worked out through an injury, that still isn't healed 100%.
I've made some of the best new friends that I'm so fully blessed and happy to have.
I've cried.
I've been defeated by a jump rope.

I didn't quit.

One thing I did quit was a 20 yr habit that I needed to quit. I let go of the guilt of feeling like a health fraud, always trying to hide and hoping no one could tell, being cautious of who knew and guarding myself against who didn't. It's been liberating.

I'm thinking of the things I want to accomplish in the gym in 2015 and the list is hard to narrow down.  Then again, why should it be limited?  I've accomplished more things than I ever had on my list last year.  I've also left a few things on the list and those I'll carry over to this year. I know they are achievable, it's just going to take me a little longer to reach them.

Here's what I've got so far:
Toes 2 Bar
95# Power Clean
Double Unders - Full WOD
Unassisted Pull Up
20 in. box jump
Run. Run. Run.


I'm sure the list will grow and still will be grossly incomplete when I come back to revisit this next December, but as long as I keep achieving, keep reaching and keep setting goals, I'll be okay.

Diet needs adjusting, and it's being looked at and prepped. I want more tone, I want less fat. I want less weight on my frame and I want smaller sizes in my clothes. I want to get over the hump, and I want people to look at me and know I workout. There's a respect that comes with that appearance and as shallow as that sounds, I want it.


2015 is happening, regardless of how I feel about it, so I might as well have a few things on my plate that I can try to reach. And I don't have to depend on anyone other than myself to see them happen.

Crossfit: Jane Fonda Style.

I'm over in a corner doing my little leg lifts with a stability ball, working my core (much needed! SO fluffy), doing strict dumbbell press, high reps, low weight, here's hoping for more tone... 

Meanwhile, my box-mates are running, lifting heavy shit, doing squats, lunges, jumping rope, landing on boxes....

I'm really trying to find the up side to this whole "being injured" thing... I know there are a lot of things to be grateful for, but the reality of my reality is humbling. 

My coach(es) are patient and helping me SO much.  We've had private meetings to plan a course of action, coming up with movements that I CAN do, creating WODs, coaching me privately, taking the time to help me stay on some kind of course and achieve the things I can, texting to see how I'm doing, when I'm coming in, how the previous workout was, etc... 

It's difficult to not think about the things I can't do.  Even the smallest movements like a plank.  Nope, can't do it. I can't bend my toe. Lunge? Nope.  Squat?  Nope. 

And finding ways to work my glutes, or my legs, without impacting or my right foot... ugh. ugh ugh ugh. 

Y'all, I'm frustrated.  It doesn't feel better. I can still feel the inflammation even when I'm sitting still, doing nothing. This stupid boot, off. on. off. on. Like the Wax on, wax off. I can't drive in it, so every time in and out of the car... And trying to wear it in the gym seems like a horrible idea, but I'm thinking I will be in trouble if I don't start doing that, so I guess I'm going to be lame and strap the stupid thing on, and try to not let it interfere with the little that I CAN do... 

I want to find a way to rehab this and not let it keep me down.  Part of me is not so much scared, but sad at the possibility that I will have to quit what I've been able to do.  My whole method of fitness and confidence in what I've achieved, what milestones I've hit, and those goals I've set for the future... all of this is questionable. 

This is the saddest part of it.  The uncertainty. 

Hearing the "this is one of the hardest things to come back from... it's one of the hardest to heal... you'll have to continually monitor this going forward b/c of they way your foot is constructed... cortisone shots will deteriorate the tissue around your bones..." ... all of these things are terrifying. Will I ever run with what little confidence I had before this?  These stupid bones are the SIZE OF GREEN PEAS! and they are affecting EVERYTHING! 

I go back in a week and I'm fully preparing myself for the shots.  

And I don't see it getting better before the end of the year... so yeah... 

I got the boot on Nov. 3rd.  

I'll be lucky to have it off by Jan. 3rd. 

2 Months. 8 weeks. Even then, if I'm lucky to get that off, I'll have to go super slow to get things back, if I even can. 

I still don't even have a good story to tell people when they ask. (And what's with all the strangers thinking that asking about what happened or making commentary is appropriate? I'm not pregnant. No, you can't touch it.  Why do you want to ask? Oh, just being nosy.  I hate, loathe, am super annoyed with nosy people.)  And the ones who just stare but don't offer to let the booted go ahead of them in the speedy checkout ... not that I would, but the offer would be nice instead of rushing to make sure you get your loaded buggy in line before the crippled boot gets up to the register. 

I. Am. Annoyed. 

1 Year down & Sesamoiditis

So I hit my 1 yr at CFOH.  There were congrats, Athlete of the Month recognition and a lot of really frustrating WODs, with the cherry on top being Sesamoiditis.

I'm in this ridiculously bulky and super inconvenient orthopaedic boot and I hate it.

hate it
hate it
HATE IT!

Today I'm about ready to chunk the damn thing and I'm supposed to be in it a minimum of  1.5 - 2 more weeks.

I'm grateful to have a coach that is helping me work on my upper body while I am restricted on what movements I can do.  I'm looking forward to upping my strength and am trying to find goals to set during my modifications.  I know for sure I want to reach my 100# bench press. I am honestly having a lot of fun trying new movements and adaptable ones that will translate in to what I can do on my own at home, and learning how to motivate myself.

I don't have a broken foot, I just have a really pissed off tendon.  I'm nervous for the long term effects of it, and how it's going to be when I jump rope, run, do box jumps... all things I struggle with and deep down, really do want to do better with.


I guess one good thing about this is that I'll be able to throw a good and heavy punch on the days I want to hit something.

Maybe I'll try that today.

Because !*#@$(&$#!

Rest Days

We need them. We've earned them. We should enjoy them. 

And I do.  When I remember to rest. 

This weekend was a little all over the place, physically, mentally, emotionally. 

I've perfected the art of over thinking, over analyzing, but it's all part of my defense mechanism and need to have structure, security, stability, and balance.  I guess it's a little hard to explain to those who don't thrive on that, but I know if I don't have control over these things, or possess them, I'm no good to myself or anyone I might come in contact with. It's paramount to avoid putting on blinders like a horse going through a parade.  Honestly, that's how I feel a lot of the time. And it's why I try to plan something on my rest days. It keeps me more accountable and gives me less time to think. 

Here's a mind dump that reared its head during my 2 days of "rest", when only one of them really was and only because I was basically riddled with anxiety over having to see or talk to anyone. Yesterday, it was just easier to be alone. Some days that's just needed. Usually for me, it's on Sundays and filled with HGTV or Snapped marathons.

1. I wish I could honestly ditch the whole Facebook thing. If it weren't for my Advocare team and business there, I would.  SO much judgement and mis-perception, by people that consider themselves to be "friends". That term has honestly lost its true meaning, just like "love" and "hate" have, too.  Overuse kills authenticity. 

2. Facebook is subjective. I don't share everything. I share a lot, but it's not everything. Most of the time, it's a way to look busy without people being nosy enough to ask questions.  

     ***That's another thing all together - people being nosy and people who are genuinely interested and want to or have invested in a friendship... ***

3. Yes, I'm proud of the progress I've made physically, but some days I'd take the peace I've lost over the smaller clothes.   Maybe some day that will change, but it's not right now. 

4.   I have goals. Crossfit and Advocare will help me achieve them, but the fear of failing internally is crippling. 

5. It's hard to walk in to a room filled with people you KNOW will be pleasant, sweet, endearing, complimentary, and say everything to build you up, and not know how to truly be gracious and not verbally vomit all over it. I miss the times when I could just "be" instead of "minding my mind". 

Call it anxiety, call it depression, call it being a girl, call it pathetic, I don't care. But for me, this is my reality. My rest day yesterday wasn't restful, it was more restless, and all I did was sit on the couch. 

Today I'm going back to the gym. The posted WOD seems achievable, even if I'm not feeling so strong. 

Where have I Been???

Honestly, no where, really, other than the gym 5x / week, and watching a ridiculous amount of Texas Rangers Baseball (Hooray for both!!!)

I'm not necessarily making great strides as I was a few months ago, but I haven't been tracking as well as I should be either.

***Note to self - start using the app you paid for to track your Crossfit efforts... Heck, even write it down in a note.  Just track it.

Things I can say that I have improved on:

• Upping my weights on lifts, cleans, jerks, snatches, etc. 
• Up to 16 inches on the jumps full wod, but still not on the box. The box is like kryptonite!  My coach says I'll hit 20 in. by the end of the summer... well he says I can hit it now, but I set the "end of summer" goal. ;) 
• Push ups - still using my knees for full wod, but I'm cleaner and faster
• Burpees - pulling my feet in together instead of jumping them up apart on a more consistent basis
• Jump Rope - I'm faster with higher reps before tripping, definitely more confident. Now working on jumping higher to get my DUs going, vs just doing one at a time (softer landing) 
• Distance I run
• Endurance

Things I still want to improve on:

• Distance I run
• Speed - running and AMRAPs for a WOD - be more of the middle of the pack than the end of it... 
• Get to where I encourage more, instead of being the one receiving the encouragement - b/c most of the members are already done and I'm pulling up the caboose. 
• Get to the Green band pull ups
• Consistent DUs
• Get on the damn box. 

There's more, but that's what I have in the immediate future.  I like the training, I like the strength training, I don't like the running or burpees, or frog jumps (or whatever those things were, but I suck at jumping).

I'm noticing new and more defined muscles, but a little concerned with the shoulder / neck muscles that I've started to notice. I just don't want to look like a thick necked body builder. I'd prefer "svelte" (is that even a word anymore?) Excited for the tone in my biceps, looking forward to seeing more of my triceps, and good grief, can I just go ahead and get rid of the belly jelly already? I think that's the hardest thing to work on, but I know my core is getting stronger. Everything is.

I'm stuck at the the same weight plateau, and can't seem to buy myself out of the 170s. it's maddening. But there's no way I'm going to set myself up for eliminating a food group (dairy, wheat, grains, etc.), too many weddings and festivals coming up / going on.  So I'll focus on cutting out as much processed as possible, and prepare for my next 24 day challenge in June.  I need to be more prepared than I was for the last one. I got results, but they weren't what I wanted. Nowhere near it. 

So here's to achieving goals, breaking a plateau, the good times ahead, and hopefully a good tan. 

I'm ready for the sun. 

Oh, and GO RANGERS!!! ***CLAP, CLAP***CLAP,CLAP,CLAP***

Maybe it was the French Fries

I'm officially on the 5x/week schedule. 6 mos to go.

Yesterday I logged workout 40.21.2.  That means 40th workout of the year, week 21 of workouts since I started at the end of October (really, that's all?? 21???)  and the 2nd workout of the week. (If you've been wondering what all that means on my Foursquare check-ins, well there ya' go...)

I was actually looking forward to the WOD. 1 400m run,  and 2x thru Sumo Deadlifts, Box jumps, & Pull ups.  Nothing that made me say "Oh crap".

Allergies, fast food lunch (I know better... I was just lazy and craving fries), mediocre Hershey's chocolate, and staying up too late watching stupid Scandal (thru 2 seasons and I'm still not finding it to be as "OMG" as people had made it out to be), all part of the head game that made yesterday's effort feel like I was just starting out, carrying twice my weight.

Everything was slow. I even had the "I don't care what my time says. I'll finish it, but I'm not going to hurry. I'm going to be the last to finish anyway, so why does it even matter?" thoughts in my head.

I finished in 11:40.  Eh, it was alright. I finished it. That's all I was doing.

I don't have a good reason for my mindset. I have excuses. There's a difference in those.

One accomplishment I did have was that I finally broke 100 lbs on my strength training. I hit 105# deadlifts. I could have tried more, but when I got the 105, I accepted that as enough.


And I just looked at today's WOD.


Shit.

Clearing the Path..Gotta Make Way...

These updates have been somewhat lacking... mental motivation has been null lately.  Just not feeling inspired, inspiring, motivated to do much of anything but try to get re-adjusted and have some seriously needed downtime.

In the past 2.5 weeks I have
1. Gone to Chicago - it was cold, I was on my feet a lot, I ate my weight in carbs, drank that much, too, and enjoyed what I could about it. But in the end, it was work.

2. Sat on the couch.

3. Did 5x week crossfit (14.2 & 14. 3 in 1 week... wanted to make up the missed Games WOD, but I'm not competing at all, just wanted to do it for myself)

4.Tried to ignore the calls that never came, the multiple people I've been disappointed by. Lame.

5. Time change. Love the sunshine but my sleep schedule is crap. Staying up later, waking up earlier... Vicious.

6. Did a cleanse. Today is day 10. Tomorrow starts the metabolic restore, and "burn phase".  This will be my poorest performing 24 day challenge since I started Advocare.  My head just hasn't been in the game.  No prep, no desire to cook, or go to the grocery store, but I made do with what I had.

7. Watched a LOT of Netflix. Finished House of Cards, Orange is the New Black & started watching Scandal. Kerry Washington's lips perplex me. I don't know where to focus when she's on screen. Very distracting, but I'm trying.

8. Made a banner for a friend that she should have had before I left for Chicago & I just got overwhelmed with my to-do list to get it done. But Friday night I knocked it out.  It's really cute!

9. Got Nine Inch Nails / Soundgarden Tix for August.

10. Yesterday I signed up to do Crossfit 4x/week (5, including Saturday) for the next 6 months. In the summer.  I really do have the best team of coaches and members supporting and helping me do this.  This is the highlight of my year, being a part of this community. Life changing.

11. Got approved for 2 credit cards.  Sucks when you can't get them b/c you pay everything in cash and have no debt, but you have to have them before they will let you buy a house.   Dumbest system I've ever played in to, other than one I'm not talking about. (Vague much? Touche'!)  But I want to buy a house, dammit! I'm tired of my apartment that I outgrew 5 years ago. And a want another dog, too!

12. Avoided the SXSW mess of people. I used to be more adventurous. Now I'm just old.

I'm sure there's more I can add to the list, but honestly, I'm just tired.  I'm looking forward to upping my gym time. I'm looking forward to the KOKE FM music series being back out at the Nutty Brown in a couple weeks. I feel like I'm coming out of a fog, so I'm looking forward to getting to the other side of it all.  I know getting my apartment in order, de-cluttering a bit, okay a LOT, and organizing my craft stuff, well that will be a big part of it.

Gotta clear the path. Gotta make way.

I'm itching to change more, do more, and get outside more, less time at home.

We'll see how that goes.

The wind might blow tomorrow. (i.e. probably).

Kicking off Another Challenge

I'm so glad to be home! It was nice to get outside of Austin for a few days, but it definitely wasn't a vacation! Chicago was WORK!  Nice to see a place I'd never seen before, though, and eat some REALLY amazing food.

Sugar overload.

Carb overload.

Alcohol overload.

I started my day way too early after too many late nights to really get in much of any sort of workout. I had the best of intentions, even brought my MAC that I didn't crack open once I was off the plane, to do my Advocare Can You 24 DVD.  I did manage to do a few rounds of squats, sit ups and push ups.  One time.

Shame on me.

Tired, unmotivated, missed my home, my dog, my routine.

I gained 1 lb. while in Chicago. I don't know how it wasn't 5 or 10.

I was in bed by 9:30 Friday night and like a kid on Christmas morning when it was time for Crossfit on Saturday. I was slow, and it was expected. I was there and I was excited to be back.

Monday I started my next 24 Day Challenge, as I knew I would months before I left.  It was the only way I could really let myself enjoy my food break with a little less guilt.  Today is day 2 and the lb I gained while I was gone has already gone away.  I also took my measurements this morning, and discovered I still had measurements from when I decided to get re-focused last year.  When I added it all up I was stunned and had a really good dose of "Proud".

Here's the diff:
Weight:  -27.8 lbs
Waist: -4.25 in.
Neck: -.75 in.
Bust: -4.5 in
Hips: -5.5 in.
Arm (rt): -1 in
Arm (lt): -1.25 in.
Thigh (rt): -2.5 in
Thigh (lt): -2.5 in
Calf (rt): -1.5 in.
Calf (lt): -2 in.

Total:  almost 28 lbs and 25.75 inches.

Not to brag, but that's the best progress and the most needed thing I could see today. I know I've made changes, but seeing them on paper somehow makes them a little more "true".

I'm hitting the gym today so I can give Open 14.2 a go. I want to have some metrics and reference points as I continue on the Crossfit train. Plus adding in the extra day this week to make up for the time I was away last week, and get in the mindset for what's coming up after April, see if it's a possibility for me, something I can maintain thru the summer, will be interesting. But it involves chest to bar pull ups. And the pull ups are one thing I'm gaining a bit of confidence in, so we'll see how that goes.

Yesterday was fantastic. At the gym anyway.

Today I'm hoping for a repeat.

I'm still here... promise!

I haven't forgotten you, my little blogger bugs! I've just been a ridiculous combo of tired and busy, both of which go hand in hand, I suppose.  Also, re-introducing foods I stayed away from on the Paleo challenge, and really trying to pay attention to the way my body felt as they came back...

First up: FOOD

Things haven't been bad, things haven't been great, but they've been right in the middle. I've had more than a handful of "cheat" days, with the "it's only a few bites", "it's only 1 meal", "I'll do better tomorrow", excusing myself out of accountability when it comes to my food, and just being lazy about prepping.

This is 100% on me. But it's not all wasted time.

I've learned a few things. The most important one: I have to plan and prep if I am to be successful.  And it means planning my cheat meals, too. I have to allow those things.

Other things learned -
 * I went and got myself a cupcake after talking about it for 2 weeks. I craved it. It wasn't anything spectacular.   I would have been just fine without it.
 * I loved peanut butter. I switched to Almond Butter during the challenge.  Peanut butter doesn't taste the same anymore. I keep thinking it's b/c of the amount of sugar I cut during the challenge. I'm just not digging or craving as much of the "sweet" but more of the "savory".
 * I love bacon.  This isn't a shock, but the amount of bacon I've cooked in the past month an a half is already more than I cooked all of last year. Maybe a lb every other week? I should have enough bacon grease to make my own batch of "Stuff-N-Clutter" this coming Christmas.
* My tastes have been refined and seriously, even the smell of "Grass-Fed" beef is better than anything I've used before.
* I like cooking new things - Here's a few I ventured out with during the challenge:
..... Spaghetti Squash
..... Sweet Potatoes
..... Uncured bacon (why would ANYONE go back to "cured"??? It needs no help being fabulous!)
..... Ground Italian Sausage

I know there will be more moments of "Ah-Ha!" as I continue to adjust and modify the diet that works best for me, my time, my body, my schedule. It's all pretty exciting to feel a certain level of confidence and pride about my food.  It used to be SO overwhelming, thinking I was doing something right, following the rules as I understood them, from a million different resources.  And in this, something clicked. I see and FEEL the benefits of staying away from "man-made" as far as food goes.  That being said, I will stand firm by the results and energy I get from Advocare.  Can I do it without?  Absolutely. But I want to maximize my efforts in all facets. So I am adjusting my diet and intake to represent "Advo-Paleo".  This is what I know works best for me.

Second Up: CROSSFIT Update:

So finally getting past the "I had the flu so my time and efforts really will suck for a month" feeling.  And true to form, it really did take me good month before I could feel confident, like I was making progress instead of getting kicked backwards twenty steps.

I bettered my Paleo baseline by 5 minutes.
Friday afternoon, I PR'd "Helen" by 2:20.

There's a mild amount of running in ol' "Helen", so this is a big deal for me.  But HOLY cow, it seems like it took forEVER for my heart rate to come back down, and for me to catch my breathing. I was completely spent. And I slept for crap Fri. night, too... but that's been happening for a few days. Prob. more to do with my to-do list & my poor food choices than my heart rate...

The good news, I ran all 3 400m runs. I didn't take one step of a pause / walk. I ran it all.  My pull ups, I've been using the blue band assist, and next WOD I'm moving that up to the Green / Purple assist.  This is one step closer to one of my goals for this year - Doing Green Band Assist pull ups.

Upper body strength is getting better. My push-ups are getting better, but I still lose a ton of time on those and Burpees.  I'm starting a push-up challenge w/ some ladies at the gym, so I'm hopeful that I will continue to see improvement there.

The end of April, I think, will mark the completion of my first 6 months with Crossfit. I've already spoken to my coach on upping my attendance to 4-5 times a week, so adding a day.  This would give me a M-T-W on, rest Thurs, F-Sa on, rest Sun. schedule. I find that I feel a little more "lost" on the days I don't go, but know I need to let my body recover, too.  I would essentially have an "unlimited" membership, so I could work on more foundations and goals (Double Unders, Muscle Ups, Pull-Ups), a little more "training", etc...

I'm actually excited to see how things progress.  I'm not excited about how hot it's going to be in the box, but sweating my ass off, you bet! I've got some ass that needs sweating away! ;-)

Oh, and baseball season is creeping up on us! So THAT will be fun, too!

Let's Go Rangers!

It's Not so Much About Being Happy

In all of this, there are good days, there are great days, there are days when existing is exhausting and there are days that you close yourself off because you don't want anyone asking questions, and days you make a list of things to talk about that are "safe", and hope that people don't see past THE face.

I'm doing all of this stuff right now (Crossfit, Paleo, Advocare) because honestly I needed something to do. I needed to do just enough to keep my mind and my body occupied and think less.  The bonus has been the people that have crossed my path and the small victories I've achieved.

That being said, here's a 2 yr comparison, so that I can see changes on the outside that other people see, and try to get my inside to match it.

I'm not happy. I'm not unhappy. I am merely doing what I can to stay occupied, and make a few changes along the way. Happy for me is helping others. And in that, I'm helping myself along the way, too, and it's not a bad thing.

2 Days Post Paleo... Challenge

So I did it! I liked it. But you knew that already.

My head was spinning with thoughts of all the stuff I could add back in once it was over. Bread, Queso, Chips, Hummus, Beans, Advocare (Spark, Slam, Catalyst, Shakes...), Alcohol...

I was honestly a bit nervous about the whole thing b/c it was SO much freedom to eat how I was used to eating before jumping in on this challenge with both feet.  Okay, I'm still uneasy / nervous.

I woke up Wednesday and had my SLAM, drank my Spark, and was just EXCITED all day long! I felt re-energized. And it honestly felt really amazing. I felt like I got to see a long lost friend and picked up right where I was the day before I started.

But I'm nervous to eat a meal that isn't "Paleo". I'm still losing lbs, and I don't want that to stop. I want to keep maximizing on my efforts at the gym and with my diet.

I'm going to Chicago at the beginning of March. I'll try to allow myself a few cheats, and I know there will be alcohol, plenty / lots of it. I feel like I need to "pre-game" so I don't make a fool of myself without any tolerance when we are there. I don't want to be the lightweight, but I don't want to over-do it either.

I want a cupcake, but I don't want the calories.

I'm learning how to adapt to this mind game, but it's seriously throwing me for a loop.  It's not a bad thing, just need to figure out how to get the adjustment done b/c I could seriously stick to the Paleo and be fine. It's like you've dedicated yourself to a lifestyle, only to not be locked in and held accountable, given the chance to add things back in, and see how your body reacts to it all.

I thrive on structure and security.

Add that to the list of things I've learned for 2014... Thus far.

I know I felt the absence of my Advocare. I'd just gotten used to feeling great, and I didn't feel bad without it, but I felt different. I didn't feel like my performance at the gym was as good as it had been, but also keeping in mind that the first week of Paleo was immediately following the flupocalyspe that knocked me on my ass for 5 days, and then some.

***Sidenote about Advocare - it's not a miracle program, but it's all about MAXimizing my effort. I want to get the best results possible from the work I'm putting in to this.***

Oh and that whole Paleo baseline workout thing... here's what it was...
500m rows
50 wall balls (6 / 8)
40 hand release pushups
30 situps
20 pull ups (assisted blue band)
10 burpee box jumps (12 in / 15 in.)

(parentheses are what I used / did at the beginning vs. what I did yesterday, post challenge)
Time:  1st time: 17:42  2nd time: 12:49

That's a good near 5 minute improvement. Amazing. That feeling is insane. I had the hardest time sleeping last night, I was so excited.

And I know I lost inches, too.  I don't have all my measurements to go back to reference, I do know that I lost 2 inches in my waist alone, and 2 in my hips, hence the need for the size 10 jeans.

I know I'll improve more as I keep going. It's exciting!!!

Hopeful Realist

It's not a secret that this "get fit, get healthy" journey hasn't been a quick one, or some spur of the moment "good idea".  At least for me.  It's taken a long ass time for me to get where I am right now, and I know I am NOWHERE near close to achieving my goals, but I'm closer than I was yesterday, a week ago, a month ago, a year ago, etc...

I've not watched the Biggest Loser in years. I got tired of feeling guilty b/c I didn't see the results they saw, I felt so sad for the contestants, the ones that needed more but got kicked off the show... What a way to screw with the minds of those who need help. Being there for a week won't change those people. It leaves them feeling dejected and rejected.  I don't see how this is a good thing. Too much emotion for me, all generated by the guise of "reality". Blah.

But I guess it's not really about losing weight, getting fit, getting healthy... it's about ratings.  It's a game show with a few less flashing lights and ringing bells.

All of this to say, look, if you want to change, do it for you.  Find what works best for YOU.

There's nothing magical about making a change that will stick with you for the remainder of a lifetime. There are tools to help you, people who will go to the end of the earth to get you there, and hi-five you on the road. But ultimately it's a choice that you have to make for yourself.

I love helping people.  I love that Advocare has given me the opportunity to do that.  I trust Advocare because I trust the Sci-Med board with over 200+ years of experience. I trust the products that are approved by the Olympic committee and the top athletes in most sports / fields.  I cannot promise you the moon, but I can certainly tell you that Advocare, along with modifying my diet and adding Crossfit has finally given me the peace and security in finding the structure and elements that work for me.

I can't tell you enough how overwhelming and HEAVY it felt to continue to fail at fitness. I sucked at going to the gym. I sucked at motivating myself at home to do a workout every day. I sucked at sticking with bootcamp at 5:30 every morning.  I sucked at the C25K challenge (I plain suck at running).

I don't suck at getting to Crossfit.   I might suck at more than a few elements, but I still find the joy in getting it done.

If some of what I've learned for myself can help you, honestly, nothing makes me happier than sharing and helping others.

Please don't buy in to fads and quick fixes. There's nothing quick about making serious and dedicated changes.  Prepping your week with food, supplements (if you choose), and your gym schedule are the 3 things you HAVE to do. There is no way to be successful just winging it and hoping for the best.

If I can help you with recipes, share ways Advocare can help you (it's not just the 24 Day Challenge and Spark), invite you to join me in a Saturday morning Crossfit sesh, or give you some encouragement along your way, I would love to.

email me at advomeaux@gmail.com or leave a comment below.

*I am in no way a pro or certified in anything, I am just a girl who finally found the recipe for my own success