Staying Positive

I dont know if it's the changing of the seasons, the exasperation with winter, the anticipation of spring, the time change, the let downs, the amount of overwhelming sadness my friends are dealing with, or just all of the things combined, but griping and being defensive about everything has been WAY too easy lately.

Does that make sense?

It's SO difficult to be positive around others, and even more so to myself, when I know those around me are hurting.

I was challenged by my coach to be positive for one week. I know I need to, and I owe it to myself to be.

So here it goes:

I loved the Scaled 15.4 WOD.
8 minutes, short and sweet.
10 Push Presses (65 lbs)
10 Power Cleans (75 lbs)

I'm stoked with my efforts. I ended up with 86 reps and my only complaint is that I didn't have quicker rests that would have helped me get 90 even.

I'm starting to see some tone in places I wasn't sure even existed.  I do wish that other people could see them when I'm just doing my everyday things, wearing my every day clothes. I'm working on trying to make that happen, I just need to figure out the diet to workout ratio.

I feel myself getting stronger with the weights and my efforts are noticeable. Now to get those to translate in to other non-weighted movements... In time, right?

I did gain 2. 6 lbs last month, 2.4 of them being lean mass (muscle) & my body fat % went down by half a point, so that's all great.  The frustration I have is that my weight is climbing, and I'm not looking or getting leaner. I am still carrying 60+ lbs of fat.  Ideally I'd love to lose about 40 lbs of the fat, and end up living around 145-155 lbs. I can totally justify that weight if my body reflects it as muscle and tone.  But living at 194, just 6 lbs shy of 200, still not looking like I do much of anything fitness wise, that's hard. I'm not trying to be negative, but it's really hard to process mentally.

So I've upped my calorie output, and have started walking a 5K 3-4 times a week during my lunch hour, and eat paleo pretty much every day for lunch, with a meal replacement protein shake for breakfast, and usually something small and fairly lean for dinner.  I eat "clean" 85/15 ratio...

So I guess what I need to do is focus on my macros next, and getting those figured out.  It just seems so daunting.

I'm also starting to purge my apartment so I can move in to a larger one this summer, hopefully a 2 bdrm w/ a small yard for the pup.

I just need to remember not to overwhelm myself.

I can do it, right?