Ingredients Taco Seasoning
1 tbs chili powder
1 tsp salt
1 tsp ground pepper
1 tsp oregano
1 tsp thyme
1 1/2 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp paprika
1/4 tsp garlic powder
1/4 tsp onion powder
1/4 tsp red pepper flakes
Ingredients Crust
2 cups of almond flour
2 eggs - whisked
1 tbs coconut oil
1-2 tbs of the taco seasoning (see above)
Ingredients Filling
1 to 1 1/2 lbs of ground beef – browned (grass-fed beef recommended)
1 small onion diced
1/2 red pepper diced
1/2 green pepper diced
2 tbs taco seasoning (see above)
1/2 cup tomato sauce
1 can (14 oz) of diced tomatoes with green chilies – liquid drained
2 avocados - diced
Instructions
1. First combine ingredients for the taco seasoning in a small bowl - set aside
2. In a frying pan add 2 tbs of a fat of your choice
3. Add ground beef and brown, along with the onions and peppers over medium heat until meat is cooked and the veggies tender
4. Drain fat from pan
5. Add 2 tbs of the taco seasoning mix
6. Next add 1/2 cup of the tomato sauce, and stir
7. Simmer awhile to let flavors combine
8. Time to make the crust...
9. In a medium bowl combine almond flour, whisked eggs and coconut oil into a dough (I used a wooden spoon, then my hands)
10. This will make a 9-inch pie crust, or enough for about 4 ramekins
11. Grease pie pan or ramekins
12. Mix dough and form for which ever vessel you will be using for pie
13. Press into pie pan or ramekins to form a crust
14. Bake at 350-degrees F unfilled for about 8-10 min
15. Remove from oven and add the taco filling from the pan
16. Top with some diced tomatoes
17. Return to oven and bake at 350-degrees F for another 20 mins
18. Top with slices of avocado or whatever garnish you would like
19. Break up the crust from the bottom to combine with taco filling
20. Eat up!
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Sober Superbowl & a Size 10
We are down to the home stretch... just 7 more days to go on this strictly Paleo plan. I've had one little blip, but unintentional at best.
Saturday night I exercised the greatest amount of will power to date. Went to dinner for a friend's birthday at one of my "treat" restaurants where the food is Latin and the black bean dip is laced with everything I have ever wanted to devour! It really is divine! I didn't even feel tempted, but had I looked at it any longer, I might have been ;) I did great, looking at the menu beforehand, decided on a salmon tropical salad w/ fresh fruits & a balsamic dressing. Perfecto!
Then I came home w/ a raging headache and slept for 12 hours. Good grief!
Superbowl Sunday came around, and I, like the rest of the idiots, trotted to HEB so I could do my grocery shopping. For the number of cars in the parking lot, I was actually able to hop in and out in 45 minutes. Perk was 1. I didn't have to go to the bread aisle. 2. The produce section wasn't heavily populated and 3. The checker in my line was super speedy!
My Sunday shopping just feels right. I know it's crowded, I know I will have to be patient, I know I will have to pause and wait for the mom to get all the bananas and then make sure her 3 kids are not darting across the aisle. I like coming home and putting away the groceries, setting things aside for what I'm going to cook that afternoon / evening. This is a part of Paleo I was honestly dreading, but find remarkably easy. It feels like I've been doing this for ages and ages. So this is good. I can definitely see myself keeping up with this part of Paleo.
I had a friend coming over while the big game was on, so we could do some crafty project (FUN!) and have dinner. She just started her 24 day challenge w/ Advocare, so wanted to cook something paleo and challenge friendly. I decided I would do Meatloaf. I chose the Italian Meatloaf from PaleOMG. And OMG it was AWESOME!!! It was my first meatloaf, and my first butternut squash. Both were super successful! The other side was roasted broccoli. It was the tastiest and most colorful plate!
As we are now just a week out, there are things I cannot WAIT to dive back in to, moderately, of course. My Advocare supplements are number one. I know I get a lot of great and much needed nutrients from the food I've been eating on Paleo (YAY!), but I can feel small nuances that I haven't felt in a while, since being on product, creeping back in. Knee pain is paramount. Recovery time is longer from my workouts, Sleep has been ok, but I feel myself yawning in fits every afternoon, when I should and would be having my afternoon Spark.
I have decided that I'm going to modify my Paleo to accommodate my Advocare, and still pay closer attention to going non-processed foods as much as possible, cooking a big meal I can eat through the week, while having a protein shake here and there, most likely the mornings, unless I have the egg bites handy ;)
I've learned a lot thus far, cooked more, stayed focused and had one little blip. I'm this close to the end and I will resist the urge to gorge on a cupcake, but man that does sound SO good! I'm not really a big "sweets" person, as I usually go for savory, but knowing it's NOT on the list, well it just makes it all the more tempting!
Oh yeah, and that Size 10 thing... well I sure enough did. THAT felt good! It was maybe 2008 and I was buying a size 18. It wasn't for a long period, as I think I only had 1 or 2 pair, but that was humbling. So proud? You bet. And if I can get down to a 6 and maintain.... a girl can dream. 35 more lbs to go.
Saturday night I exercised the greatest amount of will power to date. Went to dinner for a friend's birthday at one of my "treat" restaurants where the food is Latin and the black bean dip is laced with everything I have ever wanted to devour! It really is divine! I didn't even feel tempted, but had I looked at it any longer, I might have been ;) I did great, looking at the menu beforehand, decided on a salmon tropical salad w/ fresh fruits & a balsamic dressing. Perfecto!
Then I came home w/ a raging headache and slept for 12 hours. Good grief!
Superbowl Sunday came around, and I, like the rest of the idiots, trotted to HEB so I could do my grocery shopping. For the number of cars in the parking lot, I was actually able to hop in and out in 45 minutes. Perk was 1. I didn't have to go to the bread aisle. 2. The produce section wasn't heavily populated and 3. The checker in my line was super speedy!
My Sunday shopping just feels right. I know it's crowded, I know I will have to be patient, I know I will have to pause and wait for the mom to get all the bananas and then make sure her 3 kids are not darting across the aisle. I like coming home and putting away the groceries, setting things aside for what I'm going to cook that afternoon / evening. This is a part of Paleo I was honestly dreading, but find remarkably easy. It feels like I've been doing this for ages and ages. So this is good. I can definitely see myself keeping up with this part of Paleo.
I had a friend coming over while the big game was on, so we could do some crafty project (FUN!) and have dinner. She just started her 24 day challenge w/ Advocare, so wanted to cook something paleo and challenge friendly. I decided I would do Meatloaf. I chose the Italian Meatloaf from PaleOMG. And OMG it was AWESOME!!! It was my first meatloaf, and my first butternut squash. Both were super successful! The other side was roasted broccoli. It was the tastiest and most colorful plate!
As we are now just a week out, there are things I cannot WAIT to dive back in to, moderately, of course. My Advocare supplements are number one. I know I get a lot of great and much needed nutrients from the food I've been eating on Paleo (YAY!), but I can feel small nuances that I haven't felt in a while, since being on product, creeping back in. Knee pain is paramount. Recovery time is longer from my workouts, Sleep has been ok, but I feel myself yawning in fits every afternoon, when I should and would be having my afternoon Spark.
I have decided that I'm going to modify my Paleo to accommodate my Advocare, and still pay closer attention to going non-processed foods as much as possible, cooking a big meal I can eat through the week, while having a protein shake here and there, most likely the mornings, unless I have the egg bites handy ;)
I've learned a lot thus far, cooked more, stayed focused and had one little blip. I'm this close to the end and I will resist the urge to gorge on a cupcake, but man that does sound SO good! I'm not really a big "sweets" person, as I usually go for savory, but knowing it's NOT on the list, well it just makes it all the more tempting!
Oh yeah, and that Size 10 thing... well I sure enough did. THAT felt good! It was maybe 2008 and I was buying a size 18. It wasn't for a long period, as I think I only had 1 or 2 pair, but that was humbling. So proud? You bet. And if I can get down to a 6 and maintain.... a girl can dream. 35 more lbs to go.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Looking in the Mirror
It's funny. I know I see "A" reflection in front of the mirror... I watch as I brush my teeth, so I don't drool all down the front of my outfit for the day.... I brush my hair, throw it up in a pony most days, because I'm lazy and it's probably a gym day, and would hate for that to be off center... I zoom in to catch any wayward eyebrows that need tending... I hurriedly put on my make up, too, just making sure I "stay within the lines" and don't walk out looking like Dorothy from the Drew Carey Show...
But it donned on me this morning. Rarely do I "SEE" myself. I have a mental image of what I look like, so it's not like I have any need to stare at myself, or want to... I think this is normal???
Then this morning I caught a glimpse of a reflection that looked different to me. It didn't match what I had in my head of how I see myself. It was a "who is that?"
I know my sizes are changing, my inches are changing, the lbs are changing... there is a lot of change going on here. It's not easy, but for the most part, it's enjoyable. Other people noticing, well that's good, I suppose, but it's also the trigger for sabotage, too... (more on that in another post).
I sent a pic to a couple of close friends today because what I saw felt so different to me. It was uncomfortable. I don't know how I feel about it. It feels completely weird. I saw my face as "thin". It's a whole new thing to me.
I've lost another 5 lbs while doing this paleo challenge, so I'm up to 45 total, with another 35 to go. Today I actually feel like I might accomplish the goal by fall, if I stay with it, stay dedicated, stay focused.
This whole thing, it's such a mind game.
Part of me wants to be excited to see myself differently, but it's also about being different and letting go of an identity I've had with myself for years. I also see myself looking older. So that part makes me a little sad. It makes me nervous that the more I lose, the older I'll look. I guess I can't stay 25 forever ;) ...
But if I'm going to be alone, I won't regret a single day I spent in the sun.
But it donned on me this morning. Rarely do I "SEE" myself. I have a mental image of what I look like, so it's not like I have any need to stare at myself, or want to... I think this is normal???
Then this morning I caught a glimpse of a reflection that looked different to me. It didn't match what I had in my head of how I see myself. It was a "who is that?"
I know my sizes are changing, my inches are changing, the lbs are changing... there is a lot of change going on here. It's not easy, but for the most part, it's enjoyable. Other people noticing, well that's good, I suppose, but it's also the trigger for sabotage, too... (more on that in another post).
I sent a pic to a couple of close friends today because what I saw felt so different to me. It was uncomfortable. I don't know how I feel about it. It feels completely weird. I saw my face as "thin". It's a whole new thing to me.
I've lost another 5 lbs while doing this paleo challenge, so I'm up to 45 total, with another 35 to go. Today I actually feel like I might accomplish the goal by fall, if I stay with it, stay dedicated, stay focused.
This whole thing, it's such a mind game.
Part of me wants to be excited to see myself differently, but it's also about being different and letting go of an identity I've had with myself for years. I also see myself looking older. So that part makes me a little sad. It makes me nervous that the more I lose, the older I'll look. I guess I can't stay 25 forever ;) ...
But if I'm going to be alone, I won't regret a single day I spent in the sun.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Half Way Through & Two Road Trips Down
This past weekend I spent with my folks up near Arlington. I took my dad to the Texas Rangers (MLB) Fan Fest, as his Christmas gift from yours truly. What a fun day!!! We ran bases, sat in the dugout, hi-fived the horseshoe, got pics with players, and one autograph from Ivan "Pudge" Rodriguez. Only my most favorite baseball player EVERRRRR!!!
But the food... GAH! There wasn't one single remotely optional choice for food... I should have brought my own, but didn't plan for that well enough. My fault. But I managed. The chicken and veggies (sans butter) at Salt Grass was well worth the wait! And I'm glad I loaded up w/ eggs and a banana before we left.
I had asked my mom to do some shopping before the I got there. She picked up some eggs, fruit (apples, bananas) and cooked a paleo chili recipe I'd found that used ingredients they wouldn't shy away from. (They don't explore food at all. They are super basic and standard). The plus side to this is that 1. They wouldn't get something "fast", and 2. they have some food left that isn't based in sugar and doesn't require butter.
My sister and I both worry about their nutrition. They make choices that are too often based on "convenience" rather than health. We are trying to teach them and have a more positive influence on their food intake, but it's hard to do when we only see them maybe 5 times a year (and that's being generous!) ... the effort continues.
I was glad to have them both ask me more detail about Paleo, and want to know how, why, and what. I did my best to share and not over-explain, but to get them interested. So fingers crossed that I was able to plant a few seeds, and they will look for opportunities to do better for them, and for my sister and I. We'd like them to be around a while :)
Mom made chili, based on the recipe I'd sent her. Bless her heart, she tried, but ... sitting down to the table, I asked if she had a hard time finding the Grass fed beef. I think I knew deep down what she would say, because it doesn't click with her that companies will actually add hormones and "coloring" to make things appear "healthy", unknowingly altering the make up of the meat / food. She simply said "well, I was having trouble finding it, so I got the best the had at the meat counter" ... She tried... I appreciated it. And it was definitely a step up than the usual.
This was after she called while at the store to gasp at the eggs. "Christy, they're all brown. This is terrible". Apparently she'd never encountered a brown shell egg before. Bless her heart. I laughed after I got off the phone.
I'm glad she's supporting me in the best way(s) she can.
I'm hopeful that it will "click" one day. It's taken me years to get to this point. Each one better than the one before. And I know next year will be even more knowledge in my back pocket.
At this point, I'm 15 days in to my paleo journey. There's not a moment that I'm not thinking of my menu, planning the next recipe, and looking for new things to try. I have cooked more "meals" lately than I ever have, and for that, I'm proud of myself. There are things I enjoy and things I don't, and I know I need to expand my recipe stash. I just need to get a bit more brave and step out of my cooking comfort zone a little more.
I miss bread. I miss Spark. I miss Queso and Creamy Jalepeno.
We wrap this up on the 11th and I'm looking forward to maintaining a "mostly paleo" diet with a tad bit of leniency and a cheat day every now and again.
Weight loss total in 15 days - 5 lbs. I'm good with that.
But the food... GAH! There wasn't one single remotely optional choice for food... I should have brought my own, but didn't plan for that well enough. My fault. But I managed. The chicken and veggies (sans butter) at Salt Grass was well worth the wait! And I'm glad I loaded up w/ eggs and a banana before we left.
I had asked my mom to do some shopping before the I got there. She picked up some eggs, fruit (apples, bananas) and cooked a paleo chili recipe I'd found that used ingredients they wouldn't shy away from. (They don't explore food at all. They are super basic and standard). The plus side to this is that 1. They wouldn't get something "fast", and 2. they have some food left that isn't based in sugar and doesn't require butter.
My sister and I both worry about their nutrition. They make choices that are too often based on "convenience" rather than health. We are trying to teach them and have a more positive influence on their food intake, but it's hard to do when we only see them maybe 5 times a year (and that's being generous!) ... the effort continues.
I was glad to have them both ask me more detail about Paleo, and want to know how, why, and what. I did my best to share and not over-explain, but to get them interested. So fingers crossed that I was able to plant a few seeds, and they will look for opportunities to do better for them, and for my sister and I. We'd like them to be around a while :)
Mom made chili, based on the recipe I'd sent her. Bless her heart, she tried, but ... sitting down to the table, I asked if she had a hard time finding the Grass fed beef. I think I knew deep down what she would say, because it doesn't click with her that companies will actually add hormones and "coloring" to make things appear "healthy", unknowingly altering the make up of the meat / food. She simply said "well, I was having trouble finding it, so I got the best the had at the meat counter" ... She tried... I appreciated it. And it was definitely a step up than the usual.
This was after she called while at the store to gasp at the eggs. "Christy, they're all brown. This is terrible". Apparently she'd never encountered a brown shell egg before. Bless her heart. I laughed after I got off the phone.
I'm glad she's supporting me in the best way(s) she can.
I'm hopeful that it will "click" one day. It's taken me years to get to this point. Each one better than the one before. And I know next year will be even more knowledge in my back pocket.
At this point, I'm 15 days in to my paleo journey. There's not a moment that I'm not thinking of my menu, planning the next recipe, and looking for new things to try. I have cooked more "meals" lately than I ever have, and for that, I'm proud of myself. There are things I enjoy and things I don't, and I know I need to expand my recipe stash. I just need to get a bit more brave and step out of my cooking comfort zone a little more.
I miss bread. I miss Spark. I miss Queso and Creamy Jalepeno.
We wrap this up on the 11th and I'm looking forward to maintaining a "mostly paleo" diet with a tad bit of leniency and a cheat day every now and again.
Weight loss total in 15 days - 5 lbs. I'm good with that.
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
I Survived the Weekend - Paleo Style!
I was SOOOO nervous about traveling to Houston (re: previous post) and being able to stick to my paleo plan. I've been super diligent and focused, and I just really didn't want to screw it up because of lack of options.
Friday I got to my sisters and had some grilled veggies, almonds, but didn't fix the salmon b/c I was honestly too tired. But at least I got something to eat, even if it was less than I'd planned.
Saturday I got up and on the road to Success School, had my banana and mini egg muffin bites on the way, stashed some carrots, almonds and dried cranberries in my bag. I was pretty nervous about a lot of things, (finding parking, finding my crew, and most of all, food options). We were at a MLB ballpark, so bringing in anything was going to be tricky, much less anything "hot". It wasn't as bad as I had anticipated, though. Found my parking, found my crew, and seats. It. Was. Freezing. inside. They had no heat, and that much concrete, well it was just cold. and I even had a wrap with me.
Good news is there was a healthy (er) choice buffet for $20. I was able to look at it before buying it, and found I could have a few things, so I paid the money and jumped in. I couldn't feel my fingers at this point, so I really wanted something hot / warm. Grilled veggies, chicken and fruit it was. Then I walked back to my car to get a blanket. It was seriously like an ice box in there!
Headed to Spring, ran to the grocery store, picked up goodies for my Paleo dinner I was cooking that night. Bonafide success! Pork Chops, Squash & Broccoli. Woke up Sunday AM, went to the store again to pick up things for our lunch before the football started. It was fun to shop with someone and share with confidence about things that are and aren't paleo. It was nice to be supported in my challenge and looked to for guidance for healthy eating.
Got sent home with leftovers and learned how to cook a spaghetti squash, too!
Success, Indeed!
Friday I got to my sisters and had some grilled veggies, almonds, but didn't fix the salmon b/c I was honestly too tired. But at least I got something to eat, even if it was less than I'd planned.
Saturday I got up and on the road to Success School, had my banana and mini egg muffin bites on the way, stashed some carrots, almonds and dried cranberries in my bag. I was pretty nervous about a lot of things, (finding parking, finding my crew, and most of all, food options). We were at a MLB ballpark, so bringing in anything was going to be tricky, much less anything "hot". It wasn't as bad as I had anticipated, though. Found my parking, found my crew, and seats. It. Was. Freezing. inside. They had no heat, and that much concrete, well it was just cold. and I even had a wrap with me.
Good news is there was a healthy (er) choice buffet for $20. I was able to look at it before buying it, and found I could have a few things, so I paid the money and jumped in. I couldn't feel my fingers at this point, so I really wanted something hot / warm. Grilled veggies, chicken and fruit it was. Then I walked back to my car to get a blanket. It was seriously like an ice box in there!
Headed to Spring, ran to the grocery store, picked up goodies for my Paleo dinner I was cooking that night. Bonafide success! Pork Chops, Squash & Broccoli. Woke up Sunday AM, went to the store again to pick up things for our lunch before the football started. It was fun to shop with someone and share with confidence about things that are and aren't paleo. It was nice to be supported in my challenge and looked to for guidance for healthy eating.
Got sent home with leftovers and learned how to cook a spaghetti squash, too!
Success, Indeed!
Friday, January 17, 2014
First week Post Plague and Paleo - DONE!
You guys all know how nervous I was about going back after being on my death bed, right? Well okay, I completely exaggerate.
Please tell me you're not shocked.
Anyway. Monday I had to do my baseline for my Paleo challenge. Now my times have been decent, nowhere near the top, but among the same level group, I have been middle to last, but overall pleased with where I've been, time and effort wise. I had NO idea what to expect, what I would do, or how I would feel doing it.
The baseline was 500m row, 50 wall balls (10 lb), 40 push ups, 30 sit ups, 20 pull ups (blue band assist), and 10 burpee boxjumps (4 45s stacked). My time was 17:14.
I was dizzy when it was over and I was pretty upset at my performance. I was exhausted. I was wiped out and I'm thankful I didn't pass out, but I knew I had been set back. Just disappointing to know that something I had no control over, took control of me and affected me and my effort. Still frustrating, but I'm just trying to overcome it and get my head on straight.
Good news: My time should really improve when the Paleo challenge is over.
Speaking of the Paleo challenge.
1. Cooking. There is more prep required than my "food for one" menu has required previously. Luckily I did enough for my breakfasts on Sunday. Lunches were taken care of, too, because of what I did on Sunday. Dinners have been more of my go-to w/ salmon and veggies sauteed in coconut oil spray. Taste is overall pretty bland. I definitely need to look at more ways to spice things up. And why have I not used garlic yet? (What the heck am I waiting for?)
2. And for as little dairy as I was having before, I miss coffee with creamer. I can't do coffee without it. Giving up cheese hasn't been completely terrible. But I miss that a little, because I can love that SOOOO much.
3. I definitely over-bought on my groceries. Glad I can freeze the meat and I'm trying to make sure I use the bulk of my veggies thru the weekend.
4. Going out of town this weekend is making me nervous as all get out. I am trying to plan to stay on track, but I know I'm going to be faced with challenges and will most likely not eat for an extended period of time for fear of eating the wrong thing.
5. Coming home late on Sunday and still not having anything prepped for the week makes me nervous, but I will prob. do smoothies next week for breakfast, and hoping my meal partner will have something for me to pick up on my way in Sunday night. That will take care of getting me started and I can do dinner on Monday, shop on Tuesday...
6. Going to my parents house next Friday. They aren't Paleo, don't know what it is, really, but I'm thinking I'm going to ask mom to cook a recipe for me, so I can have a good dinner both nights. Guess I should just send her a grocery list.
Week 1 was a success, the first five days, anyway... So I'm gonna keep giving it a go. I don't want to fail. I don't think it's a long term solution for me, but for 30 days I'm in... At least I'll lose a few more lbs before I got to Chicago. Then it's all about the Deep Dish!
WOD #2 on Wednesday was okay, I guess... I'd done Turkish Get Ups once before and struggled a bit, so I wasn't exactly excited to do them this time. BUT I can tell I'm improving there. I knocked out 10 of them and was quicker to get to form and stay there. Left side is still definitely weaker than my right. My frist time to Bear Crawl and it's not my favorite either. (Ass in the air, anyone?? HA!) I had to make sure I didn't go faster than my hands and feet could keep up with. Pull Up jumps to get my chin over the bar were challenging, but I can tell the strength is building on the bars, too. My time wasn't stellar again, but it is what it is. I just have to keep getting it done. Still marking off firsts, so that's not a bad thing.
WOD #3 - SO. Much. Running. I'll admit that I was not excited about the WOD when I saw it posted. I definitely had a "would I rather get up and go Friday AM at 5:30??" that answer was "no", so I had to give it a go... and you know what? I did okay. We warmed up with a 200 that felt okay. The WOD consisted of a 400m run, 15 DB cleans (15 lbs), 10 knees to chest (red band) pull ups - all that x 3... It was exhausting, I was last to finish and it took me nearly 18 minutes to complete. BUT I ran every meter of those 400s. every step. I didn't walk one bit of it. and THAT says a lot.
So some good, some bad, but at least I know where I am now. Just sucks knowing that I'm not where I was before I got sick.
I have some time to make up.
Please tell me you're not shocked.
Anyway. Monday I had to do my baseline for my Paleo challenge. Now my times have been decent, nowhere near the top, but among the same level group, I have been middle to last, but overall pleased with where I've been, time and effort wise. I had NO idea what to expect, what I would do, or how I would feel doing it.
The baseline was 500m row, 50 wall balls (10 lb), 40 push ups, 30 sit ups, 20 pull ups (blue band assist), and 10 burpee boxjumps (4 45s stacked). My time was 17:14.
I was dizzy when it was over and I was pretty upset at my performance. I was exhausted. I was wiped out and I'm thankful I didn't pass out, but I knew I had been set back. Just disappointing to know that something I had no control over, took control of me and affected me and my effort. Still frustrating, but I'm just trying to overcome it and get my head on straight.
Good news: My time should really improve when the Paleo challenge is over.
Speaking of the Paleo challenge.
1. Cooking. There is more prep required than my "food for one" menu has required previously. Luckily I did enough for my breakfasts on Sunday. Lunches were taken care of, too, because of what I did on Sunday. Dinners have been more of my go-to w/ salmon and veggies sauteed in coconut oil spray. Taste is overall pretty bland. I definitely need to look at more ways to spice things up. And why have I not used garlic yet? (What the heck am I waiting for?)
2. And for as little dairy as I was having before, I miss coffee with creamer. I can't do coffee without it. Giving up cheese hasn't been completely terrible. But I miss that a little, because I can love that SOOOO much.
3. I definitely over-bought on my groceries. Glad I can freeze the meat and I'm trying to make sure I use the bulk of my veggies thru the weekend.
4. Going out of town this weekend is making me nervous as all get out. I am trying to plan to stay on track, but I know I'm going to be faced with challenges and will most likely not eat for an extended period of time for fear of eating the wrong thing.
5. Coming home late on Sunday and still not having anything prepped for the week makes me nervous, but I will prob. do smoothies next week for breakfast, and hoping my meal partner will have something for me to pick up on my way in Sunday night. That will take care of getting me started and I can do dinner on Monday, shop on Tuesday...
6. Going to my parents house next Friday. They aren't Paleo, don't know what it is, really, but I'm thinking I'm going to ask mom to cook a recipe for me, so I can have a good dinner both nights. Guess I should just send her a grocery list.
Week 1 was a success, the first five days, anyway... So I'm gonna keep giving it a go. I don't want to fail. I don't think it's a long term solution for me, but for 30 days I'm in... At least I'll lose a few more lbs before I got to Chicago. Then it's all about the Deep Dish!
WOD #2 on Wednesday was okay, I guess... I'd done Turkish Get Ups once before and struggled a bit, so I wasn't exactly excited to do them this time. BUT I can tell I'm improving there. I knocked out 10 of them and was quicker to get to form and stay there. Left side is still definitely weaker than my right. My frist time to Bear Crawl and it's not my favorite either. (Ass in the air, anyone?? HA!) I had to make sure I didn't go faster than my hands and feet could keep up with. Pull Up jumps to get my chin over the bar were challenging, but I can tell the strength is building on the bars, too. My time wasn't stellar again, but it is what it is. I just have to keep getting it done. Still marking off firsts, so that's not a bad thing.
WOD #3 - SO. Much. Running. I'll admit that I was not excited about the WOD when I saw it posted. I definitely had a "would I rather get up and go Friday AM at 5:30??" that answer was "no", so I had to give it a go... and you know what? I did okay. We warmed up with a 200 that felt okay. The WOD consisted of a 400m run, 15 DB cleans (15 lbs), 10 knees to chest (red band) pull ups - all that x 3... It was exhausting, I was last to finish and it took me nearly 18 minutes to complete. BUT I ran every meter of those 400s. every step. I didn't walk one bit of it. and THAT says a lot.
So some good, some bad, but at least I know where I am now. Just sucks knowing that I'm not where I was before I got sick.
I have some time to make up.
Monday, January 13, 2014
Forty Pounds
I know I've written out my weight story before, but here's a short recap.
I never owned a scale. I had no idea what I weighed or when it was or what it was for me to reach my heaviest. I was lazy. I was unfocused. I was miserable. That's all I know.
My heaviest was 216.
TWO HUNDRED SIXTEEN.
Wearing a size 16. I think I even bought an 18 or two.
It makes me SO sad to think about me being okay with that. EVER.
Sister and I started motivating one another to lose it, and I got down to 202, or 200, but don't remember dipping below the 200 before I settled in to 208. Gawd I was so dumb. And still miserable. And lost my job. So all my schedule, efforts, everything just thrown off completely.
2011 I had a friend want ask for help (why me, I have no idea...) on how to grocery shop, count calories, etc. So we went to HEB and I found myself doing it with her, using Sparkpeople, and still not exercising b/c I really do love sitting on my couch. But by some miracle, I did it. I hit the 190s. And I got stuck there.
2012 I started the year off signing up for a 5:30 AM bootcamp. I had to keep the efforts going, still had a ways to go. With bootcamp, I jumped in to doing Advocare. I wanted to give it 6 months to work, and to be focused on it. Bootcamp was painful, and I definitely wasn't a morning person. We had a sub that I just flat out didn't like. Her instruction, communication, assistance with form, knees, anything, was horrible. So I quit. I found a different bootcamp, but my knees just weren't happy. No running, still early mornings, and I lost my drive again. Tried some P90X, exhausted by the every day schedule, so I didn't do that either. But I got down to 178.
I also started dating someone, and I focused my energy on my first relationship in 12 years. Traveled. Ate a LOT of ridiculous and amazing food, drank drank drank. Football. Drank. It ended, I had gained 20 lbs back over the course of it all.
Reality was June of 2013 when I got on the scale. I was at 199.8. That was sad. And scary. And SO SO SO stupid. Shame on me.
I did an Advocare 24 Day Challenge and lost 12 lbs. I was super strict and focused. I needed to get outside of my head and find something to stare at other than my TV, but I didn't have the self-motivation to do the fitness part of it. I just couldn't find the focus. Or the space.
That's when I got invited to check out Crossfit. Scared as I ever could have imagined, but then I got in and I knew it was exactly what I had been missing. I also did another 24 Day Challenge before Thanksgiving, too. This helped SO much with getting in to the holidays with a little less "fluff", and more confidence.
I got down to 180, but couldn't get past that until just last week, thanks to the Flu. Stupid plague, but it def. got me back to where I was before. I hit the 178 mark.
This morning, I woke up to 176, and that was a big surprise. I haven't worked out in a week, and definitely had my fair share of good food, but in moderation.
So that's where I am today. 176.
40 lbs. down from where I started from, even if it did take over 5 years to do it. I suspect the next 40 won't take so long... maybe even by year's end, if I am diligent and determined enough to see it through.
I never owned a scale. I had no idea what I weighed or when it was or what it was for me to reach my heaviest. I was lazy. I was unfocused. I was miserable. That's all I know.
My heaviest was 216.
TWO HUNDRED SIXTEEN.
Wearing a size 16. I think I even bought an 18 or two.
It makes me SO sad to think about me being okay with that. EVER.
Sister and I started motivating one another to lose it, and I got down to 202, or 200, but don't remember dipping below the 200 before I settled in to 208. Gawd I was so dumb. And still miserable. And lost my job. So all my schedule, efforts, everything just thrown off completely.
2011 I had a friend want ask for help (why me, I have no idea...) on how to grocery shop, count calories, etc. So we went to HEB and I found myself doing it with her, using Sparkpeople, and still not exercising b/c I really do love sitting on my couch. But by some miracle, I did it. I hit the 190s. And I got stuck there.
2012 I started the year off signing up for a 5:30 AM bootcamp. I had to keep the efforts going, still had a ways to go. With bootcamp, I jumped in to doing Advocare. I wanted to give it 6 months to work, and to be focused on it. Bootcamp was painful, and I definitely wasn't a morning person. We had a sub that I just flat out didn't like. Her instruction, communication, assistance with form, knees, anything, was horrible. So I quit. I found a different bootcamp, but my knees just weren't happy. No running, still early mornings, and I lost my drive again. Tried some P90X, exhausted by the every day schedule, so I didn't do that either. But I got down to 178.
I also started dating someone, and I focused my energy on my first relationship in 12 years. Traveled. Ate a LOT of ridiculous and amazing food, drank drank drank. Football. Drank. It ended, I had gained 20 lbs back over the course of it all.
Reality was June of 2013 when I got on the scale. I was at 199.8. That was sad. And scary. And SO SO SO stupid. Shame on me.
I did an Advocare 24 Day Challenge and lost 12 lbs. I was super strict and focused. I needed to get outside of my head and find something to stare at other than my TV, but I didn't have the self-motivation to do the fitness part of it. I just couldn't find the focus. Or the space.
That's when I got invited to check out Crossfit. Scared as I ever could have imagined, but then I got in and I knew it was exactly what I had been missing. I also did another 24 Day Challenge before Thanksgiving, too. This helped SO much with getting in to the holidays with a little less "fluff", and more confidence.
I got down to 180, but couldn't get past that until just last week, thanks to the Flu. Stupid plague, but it def. got me back to where I was before. I hit the 178 mark.
This morning, I woke up to 176, and that was a big surprise. I haven't worked out in a week, and definitely had my fair share of good food, but in moderation.
So that's where I am today. 176.
40 lbs. down from where I started from, even if it did take over 5 years to do it. I suspect the next 40 won't take so long... maybe even by year's end, if I am diligent and determined enough to see it through.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Paused for the Plague!
I have been down for the count for 4 days. FOUR DAYS!
Fever.
Cough.
Sneezing.
Body Aches.
The ridiculous FLU!
Again, I'm being dramatic... But I can't convey how much I have hated every second of this. I haven't slept, but for the nights, which is fine b/c it's kept my sleep schedule on track. But the day time has been truly uncomfortable. Over 80 hours of continuous fever was the worst.
And my poor nose...
All the illness aside, the most frustrating thing in all of this is the interruption to my momentum I've had at the gym. Even through all of the holiday hullaballoo, I kept to my workout schedule. If I am lucky, I will only miss one week before I can get back to it. I might try to go Friday, see how I feel by then, but I know my lung capacity has been affected, so I need to start rehabbing that and get back on track.
I think it's the fear of stepping backwards in my progress, losing my marks of where I was. I see the WOD listed each day and I get jazzed about it, then I'm reminded, oh yeah, even changing the sheets and doing laundry left me having to catch my breath.
I don't want to be seen as weak. I don't want to have another excuse to overcome. I just want to get back in the gym and get back to where I was. At this point, I don't even know where I am, physically.
All I know is that today was my first day in the last 4, to wake up without a fever.
And I'm exhausted.
Fever.
Cough.
Sneezing.
Body Aches.
The ridiculous FLU!
Again, I'm being dramatic... But I can't convey how much I have hated every second of this. I haven't slept, but for the nights, which is fine b/c it's kept my sleep schedule on track. But the day time has been truly uncomfortable. Over 80 hours of continuous fever was the worst.
And my poor nose...
All the illness aside, the most frustrating thing in all of this is the interruption to my momentum I've had at the gym. Even through all of the holiday hullaballoo, I kept to my workout schedule. If I am lucky, I will only miss one week before I can get back to it. I might try to go Friday, see how I feel by then, but I know my lung capacity has been affected, so I need to start rehabbing that and get back on track.
I think it's the fear of stepping backwards in my progress, losing my marks of where I was. I see the WOD listed each day and I get jazzed about it, then I'm reminded, oh yeah, even changing the sheets and doing laundry left me having to catch my breath.
I don't want to be seen as weak. I don't want to have another excuse to overcome. I just want to get back in the gym and get back to where I was. At this point, I don't even know where I am, physically.
All I know is that today was my first day in the last 4, to wake up without a fever.
And I'm exhausted.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Crossfit Goals 2014 - Finding Focus
One of the great things about the Box I belong to is how the coaches keep us motivated and focused on our progress. For 2014, we have been challenged to come up with 3 goals we want to achieve in the coming year. For me, being in the middle of week 10, thinking about where I could be at week 61 or 62, the progress I WILL make and the achievements I will hit, honestly, it's unfathomable and a little overwhelming. I'm not sure I know how to come up with just 3... and think so far ahead.
I know there are things I want to do, milestones I want to hit, things I want to overcome, and then there's the fear of not getting there, setting the bar too high, or not high enough. I don't want to fail, but I don't want to hit them too soon either... Where's the juuuuust right button?
I'm overthinking it. I know. Believe me, I know.
Looking back at those things I have already achieved in just 10 weeks time (Box jump, Double Under, running 400m w/o stopping), they're all "small" but "BIG" things. So maybe I just focus on upping the numbers on those, getting stronger, further distance, because those are the things I can measure right now.
I definitely know my weaknesses. Maybe that's a good place to start:
I lose serious time on the following:
Push Ups
Pull Ups
Burpees
Running
Jump Rope
They're major time killers. Like M-A-J-O-R time suck.
They're major time killers. Like M-A-J-O-R time suck.
Things I modify but hold steady:
Box Jumps - using a 5 stack of 45lbs
Things I feel fairly confident with and get a little smirk when I see them on the WOD:
Rows
Planks
Sit Ups
Farmers Carries
Kettle Bells
I know I need to start upping my weights, add some strength, get my shoulders and upper body reacting quicker, taking advantage of the push off, using my legs more to propel, trust the jumps, really start pushing my body to learn and TRUST more movements, be precise, and stop looking for ways to modify and face the challenge(s).
I don't want to feel relief or apprehension when I pull the WOD up each morning, depending on what's listed. I want to see it, learn it, prepare best I can for it, and kill it when I get there. So many times I make it through and feel like I could have done more, pushed harder, but sell myself short just to "play it safe". Insecurity at its finest. I gotta fix that.
I like my schedule of 3-4 times a week, and there are times I wish I could go more, do more. Right now, I'm content on sticking with this one thru April, which will be the current membership cycle. I don't know if I could commit to the 5x-6x/week, but I'd like to work up to that at some point. Not making plans, per my resolutions, but the idea is in the back of my head.
I like the results I'm getting, the way my clothes fit, buying smaller sizes, but I'm still not really sure how to take the compliments from people noticing. So I'm working on the "thank you" and smiling, quickly changing the subject, and giving credit to what is helping me with it all.
I'd love to say I'm gonna blow this year out of the water, make it the best yet, and be ridiculously optimistic, but I'm not. I'm hopeful for really great and awesome things to happen, and would love it if they did, but don't want to let myself or anyone else down if they don't, so I'm living this "it is what it is" thing.
So today, January 1st, 2014, this is a start... I've got something down, which is better than nothing.
Pull Ups: Move Up to the Green Band - Chin over bar for full WOD
Push Ups: Non-Modified full WOD effort.
Rope Climb ;) - No previous attempts, but if I can get the push ups and pull ups in place, this should be do-able
Double Unders - continuous and consistent - Softlanding, quicker wrists, less tripping over the damn rope!
Muscle Ups - Unassisted - definitely need more strength in my triceps. SO weak!
I know there is more, but for now, this is where I am and what I know I can pin point.
***I am a lady. I am allowed to change, add, edit, delete, and do whatever I please with what I have listed so far. Prerogative is a good thing to have.
2014... Rules, Regs, Resolutions, and Whatnots
I'm really going to try not to "plan" so much this year and put efforts in to not taking things personally, have expectations, feeling let down and just try to take things as they come, handling it all with as much grace as I possess.
That being said, here's a few things I really want to give some attention to this year... No plans, no expectations, a little more concentration, and focus.
That being said, here's a few things I really want to give some attention to this year... No plans, no expectations, a little more concentration, and focus.
- Crossfit -Keep up my Crossfit training - get stronger, achieve and overcome the frustrations, celebrate the milestones more and more often.
- Advocare - Work smart - Really focus on growing and achieving the Silver Level - help my team grow their businesses, really be intentional with the networking and follow through.
- Purge - Purge the clutter - have less, more quality, less quantity; Keep my apartment in better order.
- Authentic - Continue practicing "Authenticity" - be authentic, attract authentic, eat authentic.
- Paleo - Really try to go as Paleo as possible with my food intake. Less junk, less sugar.
- Food - Try a new-to-me restaurant in Austin each month. We have SO much great clean food here, and I get stuck on the same ones all the time! And cook more!
- Money - Save a little more, make up the savings I spent (Hopefully tax return will help with this a bit).
- Friends & Family - Spend more time with the ones I don't get to see often enough.
- Sports - See a Rangers game at THE Ballpark at Arlington; See the Baylor Bears play at Maclane Stadium.
- Music - it's gonna be hard to top the shows I saw in 2013 (Mumford, DMB, Bruno, NKOTB / BoyzIIMen, Blue October...) But I have Imagine Dragons coming up in March. That's a good start.
I could probably write a post on each of these, but here's the collective list.
It's a good start.
Friday, December 27, 2013
Post Christmas Hero WOD: Ryan
Christmas was laid back and fun. Spent a couple of days in the Houston area with family and lots of great food! I wasn't holding back on the eating, not over doing it, but keeping it in check and still enjoying every bite. (And there is no steak better than the ones I enjoy each year at The Taste of Texas on Christmas Eve!)
The day after Christmas was perfect! My cousin, Matthew, is in the Marines. We were so lucky to have him home this year, as next year will most likely be different, with him celebrating from another time zone. He came over and we had cocktails, with a few rounds of "Just Dance" (he's a badass with that thing, and I kept getting the WORST songs! - "Umbrella-Ella-Ella", anyone??? Laughable at best!) and spent the night on Christmas. We all got up the next AM and were lazy, watched Netflix all morning in to the afternoon before I had to leave and make it back in time to hit up the 6:30 class. The idea of staying in my pajamas was REALLY tempting, though. Especially after seeing the WOD posted. 2 words: Double Unders. 1 word: Burpees.
Neither of which excites me in any way. shape. form.
But I did it. I had told Austin that I'd be in on Thursday, so I needed to stick to it.
We did a "Hero" WOD named "Ryan". I knew these were named after military and public servants who were crossfitters, but wasn't aware they'd all lost their lives while serving. Hero seems like such a small word for such a huge and selfless role.
I looked up Ryan's story this morning, and was simply shocked at the callous acts that lead to Ryan's death. Prayers continue for his family and his community.
WOD Review:
Warmup - Double Unders -
These are a nemesis. Meaning that I don't love them b/c I had never achieved one b/c I can trip just fine on a single. I'm a professional at that one!
And then I did it. Consecutive, no, but throw a few singles in there, then bam... Need to work on the wrist speed and not have to jump so high that I lose my balance and come down a little softer, to keep it going.
For the timed portion of the WOD, it was 5 rounds of the following:
15 Pull Ups - Assisted w/ the blue band, (I usually have the black band to assist more here, but decided to forego this round, and it was hard. I definitely need more work and incorporate my core more to get the pull ups higher)
15 Muscle Ups - Did these on the rings with the green band assist. First time to do them and it wasn't pretty at all. After the first 15, I knew I'd be good if I could finish this WOD in 30 mins, but my time push was out the window at this point. My triceps haven't been worked in who knows how long. My upper body / arm strength is pretty weak, so I know this is another area I need to just gain muscle and strength on.
21 Burpees. I don't think I need to say much here, other than anyone who knows what this is has already had some sort of "ewwww" reaction. So yeah, pretty much.
Finished this in just over 28 minutes. The longest time of the day out of those that attended. I really don't have any yay or nay over this. I got it done, and that's what matters when I was so tempted to not do it at all. I also know I didn't fuel myself well before hand, and going in to this hungry, well it was either that or eating too close to workout time and risk a good first "puke". I don't handle that well, so option #1 was my choice.
Lessons learned, as I do with each WOD. So I'll go back today and probably learn something else, too.
Christmas = success. I'm still on track.
The day after Christmas was perfect! My cousin, Matthew, is in the Marines. We were so lucky to have him home this year, as next year will most likely be different, with him celebrating from another time zone. He came over and we had cocktails, with a few rounds of "Just Dance" (he's a badass with that thing, and I kept getting the WORST songs! - "Umbrella-Ella-Ella", anyone??? Laughable at best!) and spent the night on Christmas. We all got up the next AM and were lazy, watched Netflix all morning in to the afternoon before I had to leave and make it back in time to hit up the 6:30 class. The idea of staying in my pajamas was REALLY tempting, though. Especially after seeing the WOD posted. 2 words: Double Unders. 1 word: Burpees.
Neither of which excites me in any way. shape. form.
But I did it. I had told Austin that I'd be in on Thursday, so I needed to stick to it.
We did a "Hero" WOD named "Ryan". I knew these were named after military and public servants who were crossfitters, but wasn't aware they'd all lost their lives while serving. Hero seems like such a small word for such a huge and selfless role.
I looked up Ryan's story this morning, and was simply shocked at the callous acts that lead to Ryan's death. Prayers continue for his family and his community.
WOD Review:
Warmup - Double Unders -
These are a nemesis. Meaning that I don't love them b/c I had never achieved one b/c I can trip just fine on a single. I'm a professional at that one!
And then I did it. Consecutive, no, but throw a few singles in there, then bam... Need to work on the wrist speed and not have to jump so high that I lose my balance and come down a little softer, to keep it going.
For the timed portion of the WOD, it was 5 rounds of the following:
15 Pull Ups - Assisted w/ the blue band, (I usually have the black band to assist more here, but decided to forego this round, and it was hard. I definitely need more work and incorporate my core more to get the pull ups higher)
15 Muscle Ups - Did these on the rings with the green band assist. First time to do them and it wasn't pretty at all. After the first 15, I knew I'd be good if I could finish this WOD in 30 mins, but my time push was out the window at this point. My triceps haven't been worked in who knows how long. My upper body / arm strength is pretty weak, so I know this is another area I need to just gain muscle and strength on.
21 Burpees. I don't think I need to say much here, other than anyone who knows what this is has already had some sort of "ewwww" reaction. So yeah, pretty much.
Finished this in just over 28 minutes. The longest time of the day out of those that attended. I really don't have any yay or nay over this. I got it done, and that's what matters when I was so tempted to not do it at all. I also know I didn't fuel myself well before hand, and going in to this hungry, well it was either that or eating too close to workout time and risk a good first "puke". I don't handle that well, so option #1 was my choice.
Lessons learned, as I do with each WOD. So I'll go back today and probably learn something else, too.
Christmas = success. I'm still on track.
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Bench Press Sounds So "Hardcore"
Friday the 13th wasn't scary at all.
Actually, it was awesome.
Hit up the box for my 5:30 WOD, ended up just me and one other guy w/ our Coach, Austin. They guy is a 5x / week-er, me, just 3 (4 on my best weeks). I didn't expect much out of myself, as we were doing bench presses. I'd never done them before, so just getting the feel for it, testing out what felt good, setting the metric. That was my focus.
We rowed 500m on the rowers, maxed out the bench presses, row, press, etc. for a full 20 mins. The rower and I have become fast friends, so my form is in check (as long as my tailbone isn't objecting to the way I'm sitting). I can pretty much get on there blindfolded and hold my pace. (Increasing that is on my list of "things to improve on").
Austin helps me set up my weights, go over form, and I decided that 45 lbs was where I would be. I don't know if that's good, bad, or whatever, but it's where I am (but I'll prob. increase by at least 5 on the next round).
No need to explain more. Here are my results:
Rows: 5K+ (Think I went 5 or 6 rounds?)
Total # of bench presses: 72!
Apparently I had the highest number of presses out of the ladies that day, so that was cool.
But maybe my weight wasn't heavy enough? Regardless, still excited to see the numbers.
Post WOD we did some core work. Planks & sit ups. I LOOOOOOVE planks. I have no idea why, but something I feel fairly confident in (Still working on the 3 min time... it's coming soon!).
Guy: "how long can you plank?"
Me: 2 - 2.5 mins
Guy: Let's do 2 mins, sit ups, 1min sit ups
Me: Sure, no prob.
This was the funniest part of the day. We get ready to go up, Warren G - Regulators comes on and I am zoned. I hip-hopped my way thru 2 mins w/ what felt like no effort at all. He was shaking, really working for it (and he got there, easier than he was giving himself credit for - and he Rx'd the WOD, so I know his arms were maxed out).
All of this to say that on this Friday, I completely redeemed the workout effort prior to this one and it felt GOOD!
I'll take the bad days, b/c I know they're going to happen. I'll try to not show my ass and act like a spoiled brat who didn't get picked first, I'll try to be more graceful and accept the not-so great days.
Because days like this one feel pretty fantastic.
Actually, it was awesome.
Hit up the box for my 5:30 WOD, ended up just me and one other guy w/ our Coach, Austin. They guy is a 5x / week-er, me, just 3 (4 on my best weeks). I didn't expect much out of myself, as we were doing bench presses. I'd never done them before, so just getting the feel for it, testing out what felt good, setting the metric. That was my focus.
We rowed 500m on the rowers, maxed out the bench presses, row, press, etc. for a full 20 mins. The rower and I have become fast friends, so my form is in check (as long as my tailbone isn't objecting to the way I'm sitting). I can pretty much get on there blindfolded and hold my pace. (Increasing that is on my list of "things to improve on").
Austin helps me set up my weights, go over form, and I decided that 45 lbs was where I would be. I don't know if that's good, bad, or whatever, but it's where I am (but I'll prob. increase by at least 5 on the next round).
No need to explain more. Here are my results:
Rows: 5K+ (Think I went 5 or 6 rounds?)
Total # of bench presses: 72!
Apparently I had the highest number of presses out of the ladies that day, so that was cool.
But maybe my weight wasn't heavy enough? Regardless, still excited to see the numbers.
Post WOD we did some core work. Planks & sit ups. I LOOOOOOVE planks. I have no idea why, but something I feel fairly confident in (Still working on the 3 min time... it's coming soon!).
Guy: "how long can you plank?"
Me: 2 - 2.5 mins
Guy: Let's do 2 mins, sit ups, 1min sit ups
Me: Sure, no prob.
This was the funniest part of the day. We get ready to go up, Warren G - Regulators comes on and I am zoned. I hip-hopped my way thru 2 mins w/ what felt like no effort at all. He was shaking, really working for it (and he got there, easier than he was giving himself credit for - and he Rx'd the WOD, so I know his arms were maxed out).
All of this to say that on this Friday, I completely redeemed the workout effort prior to this one and it felt GOOD!
I'll take the bad days, b/c I know they're going to happen. I'll try to not show my ass and act like a spoiled brat who didn't get picked first, I'll try to be more graceful and accept the not-so great days.
Because days like this one feel pretty fantastic.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Pinche' Jump Rope!
So yesterday's WOD was all about Jumping.
100 Double Unders (which I can't do... b/c I'm not fast enough... ) which translates to 200 singles, (which I can't do... well). I ended up having to sub 50 jumping jacks w/ 100 singles each round b/c I was taking sooooo long to get them done. Seriously, how do you trip on a jump rope every time you swing it around? I don't know how that works, but I did it.
I about lost my shit. Seriously angry and frustrated over a stupid jump rope. I jumped rope as a kid, but I always sucked at double dutch, but I did okay with regular jumping... Never did think about it being something to come back and literally kick my ass as a grown up.
Ridiculous.
I had a full class of people watching me struggle to finish, throwing my fit, telling people not to clap for me, not to cheer me on, to just ignore me. I was embarrassed, I was mad, I was pissed, and I wanted to cry. I wanted to go away, to just erase the whole effort. I didn't want my time on the board.
I wanted my dead damn legs to work.
I went home, took a shower, washed the disappointment off, and let my hair down. Enjoyed our Christmas party at the box, and drank some champagne with my friends.
Ended the night on a good note.
Now if I can just shake the disappointment and get ready to hit the WOD hard tomorrow...
100 Double Unders (which I can't do... b/c I'm not fast enough... ) which translates to 200 singles, (which I can't do... well). I ended up having to sub 50 jumping jacks w/ 100 singles each round b/c I was taking sooooo long to get them done. Seriously, how do you trip on a jump rope every time you swing it around? I don't know how that works, but I did it.
I about lost my shit. Seriously angry and frustrated over a stupid jump rope. I jumped rope as a kid, but I always sucked at double dutch, but I did okay with regular jumping... Never did think about it being something to come back and literally kick my ass as a grown up.
Ridiculous.
I had a full class of people watching me struggle to finish, throwing my fit, telling people not to clap for me, not to cheer me on, to just ignore me. I was embarrassed, I was mad, I was pissed, and I wanted to cry. I wanted to go away, to just erase the whole effort. I didn't want my time on the board.
I wanted my dead damn legs to work.
I went home, took a shower, washed the disappointment off, and let my hair down. Enjoyed our Christmas party at the box, and drank some champagne with my friends.
Ended the night on a good note.
Now if I can just shake the disappointment and get ready to hit the WOD hard tomorrow...
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Planks & Rx
I LOVE THEM!
I have no idea why... maybe it gives me a chance to breathe? maybe I can see the time adding up quicker? I don't know. Maybe it's easier for me to keep pushing myself until my shoulders get tired of holding my weight up? Maybe I just like feeling my core starting to shake.
Heck. Maybe it's all of that.
The fun part was that last night after the WOD (which I Rx'd! Go Me!), we did some core work. Planks, Sit-ups, Planks, Leg Lifts, Planks... The other 3 were grumbling, needing the time to go by faster (we were doing 1 min planks, 25 abs, alt, etc..), and I had no prob. with them. I could have done more.
I finished my sit ups before they got done, too. I had to laugh and tried to encourage them by saying "dude, why are you guys not done? I'm always last. I'm not supposed to finish before you"...
But I did. Sorry not sorry?
Definitely giving the guys a hard time. We were playing games by the time we were done.
We were all stronger for it, too.
(did you see where I said I Rx'd the WOD??? That part was cool!)
I have no idea why... maybe it gives me a chance to breathe? maybe I can see the time adding up quicker? I don't know. Maybe it's easier for me to keep pushing myself until my shoulders get tired of holding my weight up? Maybe I just like feeling my core starting to shake.
Heck. Maybe it's all of that.
The fun part was that last night after the WOD (which I Rx'd! Go Me!), we did some core work. Planks, Sit-ups, Planks, Leg Lifts, Planks... The other 3 were grumbling, needing the time to go by faster (we were doing 1 min planks, 25 abs, alt, etc..), and I had no prob. with them. I could have done more.
I finished my sit ups before they got done, too. I had to laugh and tried to encourage them by saying "dude, why are you guys not done? I'm always last. I'm not supposed to finish before you"...
But I did. Sorry not sorry?
Definitely giving the guys a hard time. We were playing games by the time we were done.
We were all stronger for it, too.
(did you see where I said I Rx'd the WOD??? That part was cool!)
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Box Jump
I certainly didn't wake up today thinking "hey, I'm gonna do a box jump today", but holy crap!
I DID A BOX JUMP TODAY!
Actually I did like 4 of them.
So there's that. I just wanted to make sure I put this down. Because it's kinda a big deal.
For me, anyways.
I DID A BOX JUMP TODAY!
Actually I did like 4 of them.
So there's that. I just wanted to make sure I put this down. Because it's kinda a big deal.
For me, anyways.
Week 6 Notables
Not gonna lie, Week 5 was really fun! I had one day where it was full of "Firsts". I was jumping, hi-fiving myself, wanted to let out a "woo hoo", but refrained, but I wanted to! I had a great time, and still am!
That WOD, I walked up a wall in to a handstand. I haven't been upside down in YEARS! That feeling is intense and definitely one that I will need to get used to. Another 1st, was me stepping in to a Blue Band for assisted pull ups. I've been doing Ring Rows, and I'm having some trust issue with the band. Combine that with the lack of core strength, the fear of falling, and not being able to lift my own weight, well yeah, that's going to take some getting used to, as well. BUT I did 3 banded pull ups. Two days ago, I did 8 before switching to ring rows... so I'm not completely there, (WOD called for 12 on Mon), but if I keep adding on, I'll get there in another month or so. The other first I did was jumping. It's not on to the box just yet, BUT a stack of 45 lb weights, 4 of them, about 14 inches. I jumped on those solid 30 times.
Tonight's WOD calls for 15 box jumps per round (AMRAP), and I am freaking excited! I might not be excited about the burpees (5 of those per round), and curious to see what the Med Ball Cleans are going to mean, but I know I can do this, with the stack of 45s, not the box just yet.
I am encouraged for each tiny little improvement. For this girl who was sitting on her couch 6 weeks ago, I'm already stronger than I was, lost an inch and a half in my waist and my hips, seeing more tone in my arms, feeling the strength in my legs, holding a plank longer than an athlete (she looked at me and said "How are you doing that??") I just smiled.
I'm getting stronger.
I still have a long way to go, but I'm definitely reaching toward the goals I put down for myself..
I just wanted to make sure to note my little successes from last week before I forgot them. I'll try to keep posting those as they happen. I'm tracking my WODs by using MyWOD in the itunes store. You can check in on my times, if you want to be nosy, as they are posted on the website - see link on the bar up top.
That WOD, I walked up a wall in to a handstand. I haven't been upside down in YEARS! That feeling is intense and definitely one that I will need to get used to. Another 1st, was me stepping in to a Blue Band for assisted pull ups. I've been doing Ring Rows, and I'm having some trust issue with the band. Combine that with the lack of core strength, the fear of falling, and not being able to lift my own weight, well yeah, that's going to take some getting used to, as well. BUT I did 3 banded pull ups. Two days ago, I did 8 before switching to ring rows... so I'm not completely there, (WOD called for 12 on Mon), but if I keep adding on, I'll get there in another month or so. The other first I did was jumping. It's not on to the box just yet, BUT a stack of 45 lb weights, 4 of them, about 14 inches. I jumped on those solid 30 times.
Tonight's WOD calls for 15 box jumps per round (AMRAP), and I am freaking excited! I might not be excited about the burpees (5 of those per round), and curious to see what the Med Ball Cleans are going to mean, but I know I can do this, with the stack of 45s, not the box just yet.
I am encouraged for each tiny little improvement. For this girl who was sitting on her couch 6 weeks ago, I'm already stronger than I was, lost an inch and a half in my waist and my hips, seeing more tone in my arms, feeling the strength in my legs, holding a plank longer than an athlete (she looked at me and said "How are you doing that??") I just smiled.
I'm getting stronger.
I still have a long way to go, but I'm definitely reaching toward the goals I put down for myself..
I just wanted to make sure to note my little successes from last week before I forgot them. I'll try to keep posting those as they happen. I'm tracking my WODs by using MyWOD in the itunes store. You can check in on my times, if you want to be nosy, as they are posted on the website - see link on the bar up top.
Tuesday, November 26, 2013
From Couch to Crossfit
So I'm officially on week 5. It's time for me to update you on the reality of my not-so-little experience.
First off, I have to tell you that I absolutely have made a great decision in joining the Box that I have. Heck, I made a great decision in committing to a minimum of 6 months of Crossfit. I have had challenges and successes, bad workouts, modifications, and more personal hi-fives than I can count.
Challenges:
1.Quad strain (IT Band issue, most likely).
This has been a bit frustrating b/c it has meant scaling down, subbing workouts, and facing a reality that my left leg is weak. I started out wanting to attack every workout, doing what I can do, but not get too far away from the WOD listed. After 2 weeks, I realized that getting up and down off the floor, running, butt kicks, grapevines, all were being compromised. I had to admit I was having a lot of pain, but I didn't let it stop me from getting to the Box on the days I was set to go. With Austin & Becky coaching, helping me understand it, how to treat it, how to work around it, the excuses never did stand a chance, and honestly, they never even came up.
2. Stomach cramp
This was weird. The best I can choke it up to was one of two possibilities. 1. I had Taco Cabana for lunch. I wanted Tortilla soup, but it was not on the menu (SO lame!), so I hastily decided on a grilled chicken quesadilla. Nevermind I'd been virtually dairy & bread free for 2 weeks. You can see how that might be a contributor. The other is a possible non-confirmed ovarian cyst, that I had trouble with like 3 years ago. This made me feel sick to my stomach, weaker than I've felt in a while. It affected my effort, my mood, and my overall workout. The bar felt more like 30 lbs than 15, and we were doing box steps, and pushups, too. This was the first WOD where I contemplated walking out, throwing up, crying, or all 3. I came back the next morning determined to kill it, and I did.
3. Bruised Tailbone
One of the side effects of subbing out the WOD for my Quad is that I've been doing more core and upper body / arms. Core = a lot of sit-ups (which is GREAT b/c let's be honest - my mid-section is a little "fluffy"). The ONLY downside to this is that my tailbone is NOT happy at all about this. The irony here is that my backside is fairly ample, and I suppose I never thought that my tailbone would be so vulnerable to bruising. I brought a towel last night so I could have some cushion. by the time I got to the 4th round of 30 sit-ups, I fought the pain & held back the tears, b/c this hurts. Honestly, sitting on the couch, laying on my back, I find myself wincing like some old lady w/ arthritis or something. Holy heck. So here's hoping the Aleve kicks in and the pain subsides a bit.
None of the above has kept me out of my commitment to going, to getting the job done, and getting stronger! Which leads to my successes thus far:
Successes:
1. I did my first Rx! It was partner workout (does that count??) , zero modifications, and we came in last, but by gosh, it got done.! 5K Rows & Planks. I was excited for that one!
2. I missed 1 Monday workout, but re-vamped my schedule for that week & made it up. No excuses still in tact!
3. Balance. This applies on several levels, but the 2 that stand out for me - My social life hasn't suffered b/c of my commitment. Crossfit is my priority, though. But balance - Leg swings & Box steps, I can do this w/o nearly falling over, and getting thru the sets a little quicker, all of which go back to the core getting stronger, and gaining an ounce of confidence in what I'm doing.
4. I've successfully dropped 7 lbs. doing the 24 day challenge and working out. I was hoping for more, BUT 7 is less than where I was, AND I know that with the changes I'm seeing, the inches will show a greater difference. Measurement day is Thanksgiving morning.
5. Acquaintances have become friends. To Sarah for the initial invitation, I'm so glad you reached out, showed me it was possible, and to do this with you! To Laura & Vanessa, Couldn't be more excited that we're on the same journey here, and building genuine friendships with both of you!
I could go on, but I will leave you with the highlights and progress of the goals I've written down previously.
First off, I have to tell you that I absolutely have made a great decision in joining the Box that I have. Heck, I made a great decision in committing to a minimum of 6 months of Crossfit. I have had challenges and successes, bad workouts, modifications, and more personal hi-fives than I can count.
Challenges:
1.Quad strain (IT Band issue, most likely).
This has been a bit frustrating b/c it has meant scaling down, subbing workouts, and facing a reality that my left leg is weak. I started out wanting to attack every workout, doing what I can do, but not get too far away from the WOD listed. After 2 weeks, I realized that getting up and down off the floor, running, butt kicks, grapevines, all were being compromised. I had to admit I was having a lot of pain, but I didn't let it stop me from getting to the Box on the days I was set to go. With Austin & Becky coaching, helping me understand it, how to treat it, how to work around it, the excuses never did stand a chance, and honestly, they never even came up.
2. Stomach cramp
This was weird. The best I can choke it up to was one of two possibilities. 1. I had Taco Cabana for lunch. I wanted Tortilla soup, but it was not on the menu (SO lame!), so I hastily decided on a grilled chicken quesadilla. Nevermind I'd been virtually dairy & bread free for 2 weeks. You can see how that might be a contributor. The other is a possible non-confirmed ovarian cyst, that I had trouble with like 3 years ago. This made me feel sick to my stomach, weaker than I've felt in a while. It affected my effort, my mood, and my overall workout. The bar felt more like 30 lbs than 15, and we were doing box steps, and pushups, too. This was the first WOD where I contemplated walking out, throwing up, crying, or all 3. I came back the next morning determined to kill it, and I did.
3. Bruised Tailbone
One of the side effects of subbing out the WOD for my Quad is that I've been doing more core and upper body / arms. Core = a lot of sit-ups (which is GREAT b/c let's be honest - my mid-section is a little "fluffy"). The ONLY downside to this is that my tailbone is NOT happy at all about this. The irony here is that my backside is fairly ample, and I suppose I never thought that my tailbone would be so vulnerable to bruising. I brought a towel last night so I could have some cushion. by the time I got to the 4th round of 30 sit-ups, I fought the pain & held back the tears, b/c this hurts. Honestly, sitting on the couch, laying on my back, I find myself wincing like some old lady w/ arthritis or something. Holy heck. So here's hoping the Aleve kicks in and the pain subsides a bit.
None of the above has kept me out of my commitment to going, to getting the job done, and getting stronger! Which leads to my successes thus far:
Successes:
1. I did my first Rx! It was partner workout (does that count??) , zero modifications, and we came in last, but by gosh, it got done.! 5K Rows & Planks. I was excited for that one!
2. I missed 1 Monday workout, but re-vamped my schedule for that week & made it up. No excuses still in tact!
3. Balance. This applies on several levels, but the 2 that stand out for me - My social life hasn't suffered b/c of my commitment. Crossfit is my priority, though. But balance - Leg swings & Box steps, I can do this w/o nearly falling over, and getting thru the sets a little quicker, all of which go back to the core getting stronger, and gaining an ounce of confidence in what I'm doing.
4. I've successfully dropped 7 lbs. doing the 24 day challenge and working out. I was hoping for more, BUT 7 is less than where I was, AND I know that with the changes I'm seeing, the inches will show a greater difference. Measurement day is Thanksgiving morning.
5. Acquaintances have become friends. To Sarah for the initial invitation, I'm so glad you reached out, showed me it was possible, and to do this with you! To Laura & Vanessa, Couldn't be more excited that we're on the same journey here, and building genuine friendships with both of you!
I could go on, but I will leave you with the highlights and progress of the goals I've written down previously.
to lose 30+ lbs. 30 is the minimum. - 7 lbs down, 31 to go
to be strong
to have definition in my arms - I'm seeing a little peek-a-boo of a couple lines of definition
finish a WOD in the time given - I DID THIS!!!
to not be dead last
... maybe dare I say "first"?
for my knees to not hurt - THEY DON'T!!!!
to see a glimmer of a 6 pack
to do a box jump & not put a hole in my shin.
to not be afraid
to make working out a habit, not a "have to", but a "want to"
to be defined as fit
for people to see me as authentic, not just someone who spouts off facts, but someone who can back them up.
to be motivated by myself, and not have to depend on others (this is across the board, not just for crossfit or working out)
to run a 5K without being winded
To be a size 6
To achieve all of these to make a list of new goals
to be strong
to have definition in my arms - I'm seeing a little peek-a-boo of a couple lines of definition
finish a WOD in the time given - I DID THIS!!!
to not be dead last
... maybe dare I say "first"?
for my knees to not hurt - THEY DON'T!!!!
to see a glimmer of a 6 pack
to do a box jump & not put a hole in my shin.
to not be afraid
to make working out a habit, not a "have to", but a "want to"
to be defined as fit
for people to see me as authentic, not just someone who spouts off facts, but someone who can back them up.
to be motivated by myself, and not have to depend on others (this is across the board, not just for crossfit or working out)
to run a 5K without being winded
To be a size 6
To achieve all of these to make a list of new goals
Monday, November 4, 2013
The Kool-Aid Ain't So Bad
So I survived my first week of Crossfit training. I have hi-fived myself after every single workout. (4 total so far)... I can definitely see I need strength improvement in every single area. I'm weak.
I'm starting my 4th Advocare 24 Day Challenge, and I don't feel like my head is as prepared as it was last time I did this back in June, but it's got me excited for the possibility of a better result.
Summer of 2012 I was 38 lbs down from my heftiest and highest weight ever. I was excited. Then I hit the "I've lost weight, I can do what I want". My time was spent either at a job I hated, or on the road, or drinking, or all of the above. I ended up gaining 20 lbs back, and nearly hit the 200 mark again. It was a close call, but I stayed below it by some small part of grace.
I did a challenge, no workout, and dropped 12 of the 20 lbs. I've been a bit down and depressed these past few months, and lost another 5 on that, but still haven't gotten back down to where I was. So I am really encouraged and hopeful that by adding in the fitness element, being conscious of what is going in to my body, and doing the cleanse for 10 days, I will be successful and go BELOW where I was that summer. I have every opportunity to hit the "I've lost 40 lbs" club.
Ultimately I want to be down a total of 38 lbs by April... which is over a 60+ lb loss total. SIXTY.
My final and complete goal is 86 lbs.
But I wouldn't be upset with 100...
I'm realistic in my approach and my results. I don't expect miracles. I just know that my body has so much more potential than I've given it credit for. I have no idea how far I can take it, so I'm not limiting myself in that.
The people along the way, the efforts and lessons learned, the injuries I am sure to face, all will be a part of this, and bit by bit, I will train my mind to overcome excuses...
I'm starting my 4th Advocare 24 Day Challenge, and I don't feel like my head is as prepared as it was last time I did this back in June, but it's got me excited for the possibility of a better result.
Summer of 2012 I was 38 lbs down from my heftiest and highest weight ever. I was excited. Then I hit the "I've lost weight, I can do what I want". My time was spent either at a job I hated, or on the road, or drinking, or all of the above. I ended up gaining 20 lbs back, and nearly hit the 200 mark again. It was a close call, but I stayed below it by some small part of grace.
I did a challenge, no workout, and dropped 12 of the 20 lbs. I've been a bit down and depressed these past few months, and lost another 5 on that, but still haven't gotten back down to where I was. So I am really encouraged and hopeful that by adding in the fitness element, being conscious of what is going in to my body, and doing the cleanse for 10 days, I will be successful and go BELOW where I was that summer. I have every opportunity to hit the "I've lost 40 lbs" club.
Ultimately I want to be down a total of 38 lbs by April... which is over a 60+ lb loss total. SIXTY.
My final and complete goal is 86 lbs.
But I wouldn't be upset with 100...
I'm realistic in my approach and my results. I don't expect miracles. I just know that my body has so much more potential than I've given it credit for. I have no idea how far I can take it, so I'm not limiting myself in that.
The people along the way, the efforts and lessons learned, the injuries I am sure to face, all will be a part of this, and bit by bit, I will train my mind to overcome excuses...
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
I Drank the Kool-Aid
See that cute new little tab on the top right hand side???
yeah, that's right...
I'm in... For at least 6 months.
Crossfit.
Holy shit.
I love the box I've joined, the coaches, the location, the schedule flexibility, the members I've met so far, and I know I'm going to get in to the best shape I've ever been in my life.
I can sit here and reflect on all the bullshit that has happened in the past 12 months, because quite frankly it was 12 months ago that it started to turn from peace and happiness to worry, stress, heartbreak, and ultimate destruction.
Or I can find something to exhaust me so I don't have to think about it all the time... about how he said he didn't have time to date, yet he's dating her... which in itself is disgusting.
I guess he found the time...
It doesn't mean he doesn't still break my heart, because, quite honestly, he will for the rest of my life.
So now, after I see the lies, the signs, the half-truths, the bullshit, I'm going to focus on me. Because when all is said and done, the only guarantee I have in my life is that if I wake up tomorrow, I'm still here, and I at least have myself, if no one else. Not a pity party, just a fact... The reality. I've accepted this, and you should, too.
Crossfit will be my distraction. Crossfit I will do for myself. Crossfit will cloud my head with goals and ideas I didn't have before, because something has to take the place of the effort and time and money I wasted trying to show someone that I loved him. He couldn't have cared less.
I wasn't worth it for him. So I guess I have to be worth something for myself...
What do I want from all this? I need to have goals. I need to make sure they are written down. I need to have a record of my why... So here's what I have so far:
Ultimately I want:
to lose 30+ lbs. 30 is the minimum.
to be strong
to have definition in my arms
finish a WOD in the time given
to not be dead last
... maybe dare I say "first"?
for my knees to not hurt
to see a glimmer of a 6 pack
to do a box jump & not put a hole in my shin.
to not be afraid
to make working out a habit, not a "have to", but a "want to"
to be defined as fit
for people to see me as authentic, not just someone who spouts off facts, but someone who can back them up.
to be motivated by myself, and not have to depend on others (this is across the board, not just for crossfit or working out)
to run a 5K without being winded
To be a size 6
To achieve all of these to make a list of new goals
yeah, that's right...
I'm in... For at least 6 months.
Crossfit.
Holy shit.
I love the box I've joined, the coaches, the location, the schedule flexibility, the members I've met so far, and I know I'm going to get in to the best shape I've ever been in my life.
I can sit here and reflect on all the bullshit that has happened in the past 12 months, because quite frankly it was 12 months ago that it started to turn from peace and happiness to worry, stress, heartbreak, and ultimate destruction.
Or I can find something to exhaust me so I don't have to think about it all the time... about how he said he didn't have time to date, yet he's dating her... which in itself is disgusting.
I guess he found the time...
It doesn't mean he doesn't still break my heart, because, quite honestly, he will for the rest of my life.
So now, after I see the lies, the signs, the half-truths, the bullshit, I'm going to focus on me. Because when all is said and done, the only guarantee I have in my life is that if I wake up tomorrow, I'm still here, and I at least have myself, if no one else. Not a pity party, just a fact... The reality. I've accepted this, and you should, too.
Crossfit will be my distraction. Crossfit I will do for myself. Crossfit will cloud my head with goals and ideas I didn't have before, because something has to take the place of the effort and time and money I wasted trying to show someone that I loved him. He couldn't have cared less.
I wasn't worth it for him. So I guess I have to be worth something for myself...
What do I want from all this? I need to have goals. I need to make sure they are written down. I need to have a record of my why... So here's what I have so far:
Ultimately I want:
to lose 30+ lbs. 30 is the minimum.
to be strong
to have definition in my arms
finish a WOD in the time given
to not be dead last
... maybe dare I say "first"?
for my knees to not hurt
to see a glimmer of a 6 pack
to do a box jump & not put a hole in my shin.
to not be afraid
to make working out a habit, not a "have to", but a "want to"
to be defined as fit
for people to see me as authentic, not just someone who spouts off facts, but someone who can back them up.
to be motivated by myself, and not have to depend on others (this is across the board, not just for crossfit or working out)
to run a 5K without being winded
To be a size 6
To achieve all of these to make a list of new goals
Thursday, October 24, 2013
All because I Googled "Wiener Dog"
I got my dog off of Craigslist in November 2007. She was a total impulse buy, but I was excited! I quickly got her home and started Googling everything and anything I could on "Dachshunds", "Wiener Dogs", and any other name or misspelling they could be classified under. Along the way, I stumbled across a blog called "The Wonderful World of Wieners". I kept reading and thought that if she didn't live in Maine, some place I don't know I'll ever visit, so far away from Texas, that Hallie and I could be friends. I celebrated her sons birthdays, her dad's transplant, graduations, military adventures, her adoration for her husband (and him for her, too), just a really nice family. The kind of family that you'd be happy to have as neighbors, see at the grocery store, etc. You just know the kind that have similar thoughts, values, ways of living, etc.
I got busy. I stopped keeping up with my Google Reader (RIP), and some 6 months or so go by, and I get back on Reader, see something that catches my eye. She said something about being sorry for Schmoops, how she let him down, how she didn't do enough to save him... I gasped. Surely nothing had happened to him. Her firstborn, her oldest son... I knew he'd had some stress in the Army. I knew that he was close to his family, and there were other things that had been going on, but never ever did I expect or anticipate what I would discover, going back and catching up on the blogs I'd missed.
CJ was gone.
Her firstborn. Her Schmoops. Her baby. There was some sort of situation that he went to his car, at the end of their driveway. He took his life. One shot. He was gone.
I sobbed.
I had missed the day she shared the tragic news, but in the moment I realized her sadness, caught up on the words, the regret, the pain she had, I messaged her immediately. I friended her on facebook, and each time she posted, her pain was so public, but I understood it. I cried with her over and over again. I've prayed for her more.
Yesterday, 42 months after CJ left, she posted the most beautiful request on her page. I've copied and pasted below:
"Been thinking a lot lately about CJ's ashes and the lack of a final resting place. Both John and I feel strongly that we do not want the burden of disposal to fall to Connor when we are gone. We truly believe that it's our responsibility to attend to.
Our son did not get to see the world as he might have if he had lived. Our son did not experience travel as he might have if he had lived. Our son did not experience adventures as he might have if he had lived.
He just didn't. And it breaks my heart.
And it makes me want to give him these things if I can.
John and I want our beloved Shmoops to see the world, BECOME part of a world he didn't get to see.
We'd love for our son to see the mountains that he never got to climb, see the vast oceans that he would have loved, see tropical beaches and lands far and away.
We believe that CJ would be happy to know that caring and sensitive people, both friends and strangers alike, took him on an adventure and sprinkled a small portion of his ashes in places worth seeing.
We have already begun spreading small amounts of our son in places that meant something to him: Oqunguit Beach, Hampton Beach, the Marginal Way, Florida and even a certain ballpark that he loved.
Kimmy and Ryan graciously took him to Washington, DC and scattered him in an area dedicated to the military.
Some of his ashes are scattered below the tree planted in his honor at The Loop in Methuen.
We've scattered some of his ashes but we have a lot left.
Would love to have people, through the power of social media, spread this post to see if anyone out there would be willing to take some of my son's ashes and show him the world. To show him a beautiful place he never made it to and to scatter his ashes at that location.
All I ask is that you promise to think of my amazing son even if you didn't know him. That you find the right place to send my son off on a journey. That you think about all the lives he saved through organ donation. That you tell him that his mom will always love him. And that's she sorry. YOU MUST AGREE TO SAY THAT. Because I am and I need him to hear it as the last thing he hears before he takes off.
I would ask that you take a picture of the location you scattered his ashes and write a description of the moment. Where you alone? Was it sunny? Windy? Near water? Rainy? Was their a view? If you can also take a second photo of his ashes actually being scattered, that would be truly appreciated.
My plan is to publish a journal of his adventures (SOARING AFTER SUICIDE) and hopefully publish it. ALl proceeds would go to the NEw England Organ Bank.
Not sure if it will end up being publish worthy but CJ's story IS worth sharing. This is just another way to do it.
AM I CRAZY?
Are there people out there that are willing to help this heartbroken mom give her beloved son one last adventure?
SUICIDE IS A BEAST.
I can't let the beast win.
I MUST find a way for my son to soar across the universe."
I got busy. I stopped keeping up with my Google Reader (RIP), and some 6 months or so go by, and I get back on Reader, see something that catches my eye. She said something about being sorry for Schmoops, how she let him down, how she didn't do enough to save him... I gasped. Surely nothing had happened to him. Her firstborn, her oldest son... I knew he'd had some stress in the Army. I knew that he was close to his family, and there were other things that had been going on, but never ever did I expect or anticipate what I would discover, going back and catching up on the blogs I'd missed.
CJ was gone.
Her firstborn. Her Schmoops. Her baby. There was some sort of situation that he went to his car, at the end of their driveway. He took his life. One shot. He was gone.
I sobbed.
I had missed the day she shared the tragic news, but in the moment I realized her sadness, caught up on the words, the regret, the pain she had, I messaged her immediately. I friended her on facebook, and each time she posted, her pain was so public, but I understood it. I cried with her over and over again. I've prayed for her more.
Yesterday, 42 months after CJ left, she posted the most beautiful request on her page. I've copied and pasted below:
"Been thinking a lot lately about CJ's ashes and the lack of a final resting place. Both John and I feel strongly that we do not want the burden of disposal to fall to Connor when we are gone. We truly believe that it's our responsibility to attend to.
Our son did not get to see the world as he might have if he had lived. Our son did not experience travel as he might have if he had lived. Our son did not experience adventures as he might have if he had lived.
He just didn't. And it breaks my heart.
And it makes me want to give him these things if I can.
John and I want our beloved Shmoops to see the world, BECOME part of a world he didn't get to see.
We'd love for our son to see the mountains that he never got to climb, see the vast oceans that he would have loved, see tropical beaches and lands far and away.
We believe that CJ would be happy to know that caring and sensitive people, both friends and strangers alike, took him on an adventure and sprinkled a small portion of his ashes in places worth seeing.
We have already begun spreading small amounts of our son in places that meant something to him: Oqunguit Beach, Hampton Beach, the Marginal Way, Florida and even a certain ballpark that he loved.
Kimmy and Ryan graciously took him to Washington, DC and scattered him in an area dedicated to the military.
Some of his ashes are scattered below the tree planted in his honor at The Loop in Methuen.
We've scattered some of his ashes but we have a lot left.
Would love to have people, through the power of social media, spread this post to see if anyone out there would be willing to take some of my son's ashes and show him the world. To show him a beautiful place he never made it to and to scatter his ashes at that location.
All I ask is that you promise to think of my amazing son even if you didn't know him. That you find the right place to send my son off on a journey. That you think about all the lives he saved through organ donation. That you tell him that his mom will always love him. And that's she sorry. YOU MUST AGREE TO SAY THAT. Because I am and I need him to hear it as the last thing he hears before he takes off.
I would ask that you take a picture of the location you scattered his ashes and write a description of the moment. Where you alone? Was it sunny? Windy? Near water? Rainy? Was their a view? If you can also take a second photo of his ashes actually being scattered, that would be truly appreciated.
My plan is to publish a journal of his adventures (SOARING AFTER SUICIDE) and hopefully publish it. ALl proceeds would go to the NEw England Organ Bank.
Not sure if it will end up being publish worthy but CJ's story IS worth sharing. This is just another way to do it.
AM I CRAZY?
Are there people out there that are willing to help this heartbroken mom give her beloved son one last adventure?
SUICIDE IS A BEAST.
I can't let the beast win.
I MUST find a way for my son to soar across the universe."
I commented immediately, willing and wanting to share Austin w/ CJ and Hallie, and their family. Thinking, if anything, it was the least I could do, to offer. Honestly thinking that she would appreciate it, but most likely He'd travel to exotic and fantastic, wonderful, places.
I got to work to see a message from Hallie, thanking me for my offer, and questions regarding the places I could offer to take CJ, to share, to help extend an ounce of peace. I cried. I cried a lot.
I cried while responding to her. My heart breaks for this family, for Hallie carrying the guilt and burden of that moment.
I want to cry again.
I don't know when CJ will be in Austin, but I look forward to the time I will spend with him, his ashes, and the words I will share with this family. I hope one day I can meet them all, extend a hug and get to know more about the son / brother they lost.
I will let you all know, so that if you'd like to join me on CJs Austin adventure, and visit, you can do so.
Please be praying for this family, as nearly 2 years later, their grief is no less, the pain has not and will not subside, as they continue to live, missing their loved one.
All because I Googled "Wiener Dogs".
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