Rest Days

We need them. We've earned them. We should enjoy them. 

And I do.  When I remember to rest. 

This weekend was a little all over the place, physically, mentally, emotionally. 

I've perfected the art of over thinking, over analyzing, but it's all part of my defense mechanism and need to have structure, security, stability, and balance.  I guess it's a little hard to explain to those who don't thrive on that, but I know if I don't have control over these things, or possess them, I'm no good to myself or anyone I might come in contact with. It's paramount to avoid putting on blinders like a horse going through a parade.  Honestly, that's how I feel a lot of the time. And it's why I try to plan something on my rest days. It keeps me more accountable and gives me less time to think. 

Here's a mind dump that reared its head during my 2 days of "rest", when only one of them really was and only because I was basically riddled with anxiety over having to see or talk to anyone. Yesterday, it was just easier to be alone. Some days that's just needed. Usually for me, it's on Sundays and filled with HGTV or Snapped marathons.

1. I wish I could honestly ditch the whole Facebook thing. If it weren't for my Advocare team and business there, I would.  SO much judgement and mis-perception, by people that consider themselves to be "friends". That term has honestly lost its true meaning, just like "love" and "hate" have, too.  Overuse kills authenticity. 

2. Facebook is subjective. I don't share everything. I share a lot, but it's not everything. Most of the time, it's a way to look busy without people being nosy enough to ask questions.  

     ***That's another thing all together - people being nosy and people who are genuinely interested and want to or have invested in a friendship... ***

3. Yes, I'm proud of the progress I've made physically, but some days I'd take the peace I've lost over the smaller clothes.   Maybe some day that will change, but it's not right now. 

4.   I have goals. Crossfit and Advocare will help me achieve them, but the fear of failing internally is crippling. 

5. It's hard to walk in to a room filled with people you KNOW will be pleasant, sweet, endearing, complimentary, and say everything to build you up, and not know how to truly be gracious and not verbally vomit all over it. I miss the times when I could just "be" instead of "minding my mind". 

Call it anxiety, call it depression, call it being a girl, call it pathetic, I don't care. But for me, this is my reality. My rest day yesterday wasn't restful, it was more restless, and all I did was sit on the couch. 

Today I'm going back to the gym. The posted WOD seems achievable, even if I'm not feeling so strong. 

Where have I Been???

Honestly, no where, really, other than the gym 5x / week, and watching a ridiculous amount of Texas Rangers Baseball (Hooray for both!!!)

I'm not necessarily making great strides as I was a few months ago, but I haven't been tracking as well as I should be either.

***Note to self - start using the app you paid for to track your Crossfit efforts... Heck, even write it down in a note.  Just track it.

Things I can say that I have improved on:

• Upping my weights on lifts, cleans, jerks, snatches, etc. 
• Up to 16 inches on the jumps full wod, but still not on the box. The box is like kryptonite!  My coach says I'll hit 20 in. by the end of the summer... well he says I can hit it now, but I set the "end of summer" goal. ;) 
• Push ups - still using my knees for full wod, but I'm cleaner and faster
• Burpees - pulling my feet in together instead of jumping them up apart on a more consistent basis
• Jump Rope - I'm faster with higher reps before tripping, definitely more confident. Now working on jumping higher to get my DUs going, vs just doing one at a time (softer landing) 
• Distance I run
• Endurance

Things I still want to improve on:

• Distance I run
• Speed - running and AMRAPs for a WOD - be more of the middle of the pack than the end of it... 
• Get to where I encourage more, instead of being the one receiving the encouragement - b/c most of the members are already done and I'm pulling up the caboose. 
• Get to the Green band pull ups
• Consistent DUs
• Get on the damn box. 

There's more, but that's what I have in the immediate future.  I like the training, I like the strength training, I don't like the running or burpees, or frog jumps (or whatever those things were, but I suck at jumping).

I'm noticing new and more defined muscles, but a little concerned with the shoulder / neck muscles that I've started to notice. I just don't want to look like a thick necked body builder. I'd prefer "svelte" (is that even a word anymore?) Excited for the tone in my biceps, looking forward to seeing more of my triceps, and good grief, can I just go ahead and get rid of the belly jelly already? I think that's the hardest thing to work on, but I know my core is getting stronger. Everything is.

I'm stuck at the the same weight plateau, and can't seem to buy myself out of the 170s. it's maddening. But there's no way I'm going to set myself up for eliminating a food group (dairy, wheat, grains, etc.), too many weddings and festivals coming up / going on.  So I'll focus on cutting out as much processed as possible, and prepare for my next 24 day challenge in June.  I need to be more prepared than I was for the last one. I got results, but they weren't what I wanted. Nowhere near it. 

So here's to achieving goals, breaking a plateau, the good times ahead, and hopefully a good tan. 

I'm ready for the sun. 

Oh, and GO RANGERS!!! ***CLAP, CLAP***CLAP,CLAP,CLAP***