Tuesday, October 29, 2013

I Drank the Kool-Aid

See that cute new little tab on the top right hand side???

yeah, that's right...

I'm in... For at least 6 months.


Holy shit.

I love the box I've joined, the coaches, the location, the schedule flexibility, the members I've met so far, and I know I'm going to get in to the best shape I've ever been in my life.

I can sit here and reflect on all the bullshit that has happened in the past 12 months, because quite frankly it was 12 months ago that it started to turn from peace and happiness to worry, stress, heartbreak, and ultimate destruction.  

Or I can find something to exhaust me so I don't have to think about it all the time... about how he said he didn't have time to date, yet he's dating her... which in itself is disgusting.

I guess he found the time...

It doesn't mean he doesn't still break my heart, because, quite honestly, he will for the rest of my life.

So now, after I see the lies, the signs, the half-truths, the bullshit, I'm going to focus on me. Because when all is said and done, the only guarantee I have in my life is that if I wake up tomorrow, I'm still here, and I at least have myself, if no one else. Not a pity party, just a fact... The reality.  I've accepted this, and you should, too.

Crossfit will be my distraction.  Crossfit I will do for myself.  Crossfit will cloud my head with goals and ideas I didn't have before, because something has to take the place of the effort and time and money I wasted trying to show someone that I loved him.  He couldn't have cared less.

I wasn't worth it for him.  So I guess I have to be worth something for myself...

What do I want from all this?  I need to have goals. I need to make sure they are written down. I need to have a record of my why...  So here's what I have so far:

Ultimately I want:
 to lose 30+ lbs. 30 is the minimum.
to be strong
to have definition in my arms
finish a WOD in the time given
to not be dead last
     ... maybe dare I say "first"?
for my knees to not hurt
to see a glimmer of a 6 pack
to do a box jump & not put a hole in my shin.
to not be afraid
to make working out a habit, not a "have to", but a "want to"
to be defined as fit
for people to see me as authentic, not just someone who spouts off facts, but someone who can back them up.
to be motivated by myself, and not have to depend on others (this is across the board, not just for crossfit or working out)
to run a 5K without being winded
To be a size 6
To achieve all of these to make a list of new goals

1 comment:

Mama Meg said...

Lady, you are super strong! Heartbreak sucks. It's what you do with yourself afterwards that really matters. You can do it!

Good luck with Crossfit. I refuse to drink the Kool Aid but I'm glad you're finding something you love. For me it's running so I know how you feel. You've got this!