Thursday, February 26, 2015

"Fat Shaming"

At the encouragement from a girlfriend who had recently joined a certain dating app, I did it...

Now let me preface this by saying I LOATHE online dating. I can't tell you how much I actually REALLY hate it. It just feels unauthentic, low quality and somewhat desperate. Not saying it's that way for everyone, but it's really just not my thing.

First day:
Figure this thing out, how does it work? Swipe left, swipe right, shoot, I meant to swipe the other direction. Crap, now I'm stuck with a match I didn't want.

But I'm getting matches, and some seem like decent quality people, looking for similar things, a few reply with messages and chats, they all are very complimentary, "you're beautiful, gorgeous, great smile, pretty eyes, etc..." And for a hot second, I start thinking maybe this isn't so terrible. Maybe I've really been so closed off that I can't take a compliment, but I should take these. After all, they're authentic, right?

Oh, and side note:  Seeing guys I know "sell" their profiles that are entertaining at best... seeing husbands of girls I know (are they / aren't they still married? and if they are WHY are they on here? Do their significant others know what's on their phone?? These guys have kids!) But not my biz and Immediate "nope", b/c I don't even want to consider one of them possibly matching me.

But back to my matches.

Second Day:
I ended up exchanging phone numbers, FB requests, and texts with one guy who toted himself as a gentleman with 2 teenage daughters, "I want to be a good example for them. I don't want them to see me as a POS. I want them to want and see a quality guy and not settle for a dirtbag" (all quotes from our conversation).  I end up sending him to the website for my box that I attend. I know there's a "full body" pic there, and I have nothing to hide. I actually feel more comfortable with this pic, even if I do have chalk on my pants, my hair is a shaggy stray mess, my face is a bit flushed, and the other girls in the pic are obviously smaller than I am, because I'm proud of the work I did that day & I can see it when I look at that photo.

Sure, I see places that need some work. We all have them. Me, just a little more of those are visible than they are on others. 

That being said, I wasn't truly prepared for the conversation that followed. 

Him: Is that you in the grey top?
Me: yes,
Him: How current?
     *(as soon as he sent that, I felt the tide change. I knew what he was thinking.)
Me: um, maybe Sept? Oct?
Him: I have to ask even though I will sound like a pig. Are you still the same size?
     *(this is where I made the conscious decision to be a gracious lady, standing up for myself, and show that at least one of us contained an ounce of tact)
Me: Yep. I'm b/w a 10/12.  And you totally sound like a pig asking that.
Him: I'm sorry but I need someone petite. I had to be upfront and I sincerely apologize for hurting your feelings.

It didn't take long for me to find the awareness that comes with his statement. I was winding down to get ready for bed and all I could think of was "he just pointed out that I"m not "petite" so basically it was the same as being called "fat".




And guess what the first thought was that I had this morning when I woke up?

Yep. Same.

I did delete his number, blocked it, even, deleted him from FB, deleted him as a "match", etc... covered my bases.

Third Day:
This AM I deleted my account on the app, removed the one other I'd "friended" on FB, and deleted the app all together.

This is why I don't do online dating. I definitely prefer, if I'm going to meet someone, that it's someone who sees me in person, knows who they are talking to, what I look like IRL (which is the same as I do in pics, so not sure what the pig was expecting?)

I'll meet a "friend of a friend".  I'll chat with someone who approaches me in a public setting.  I'm good at talking to people face to face.

But as far as online and apps go... Done.

Here's what I'm not done with:
Crossfit - I'm pretty damn proud of the work I do there. and I feel good when I do it.  I'm proud of the accomplishments I have achieved, the strides I've made, the weight I've thrown (And I can totally deadlift that pig, too... )

Feeling Confident where I know I can:  Look. I'm not unattractive. I don't wake up each day and pull my hair back, brush my teeth, put on my makeup, and pick out an outfit to "settle" on looking "ok".  Even when I dress down, I feel like I look good or decent, some days even pretty.  I think this is normal and healthy.

Being around people that make me feel good and happy.  Most of these are my Box mates. Others are concert friends. And there's those few ladies who are my "Sex & The City" girls.  My really close friends I can count on one hand.  But I'm about to have to add in my second just to keep up. Hashtag Blessed :-P

I don't need to be in a relationship. I don't need to date. I just need to be happy with where I am and with what I do.

But if you're ever rejecting someone who you might have had a slight interest in, don't make it about their size or shape. Use your manners, be tactful and don't point out what might be a tender subject for someone. Chances are they're probably insecure about it already and don't need your help.


Kimmy said...

Proud of you friend!!! I think you look fabulous!

Running Meg said...

What a pig.

Cheers to you for deleting the app!

Christy Meaux said...

Thanks, Meg. yeah, um, SO much oinking. SO SO much!