Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Wimpy

It's crazy how quick I can go from feeling like I won a race, even if I came in last, to feeling like I can't do anything and the thought of putting on my Nanos seems like it's too much.

that's me today. I don't want to do anything. I don't want to walk in and have to socialize with anyone. I don't want to answer questions about "are you okay?" "What's going on?" "You've been distant lately"... but here's the answers.

1. No, I'm upset, annoyed and frankly I'm pissed off at things that have nothing to do with the gym or any one person in particular. I'm angry at a system that punishes people for being successful in anything, because it doesn't meet some stupid "guideline" on what one group deems "acceptable" or "good enough".  So I'm stuck in a place I can't buy myself out of right now and I'm pissed off about it. So much for following the "rules".

2. See above. And there's more, I just don't want to talk about it.

3 No kidding... see last sentence on #2.

When you keep taking these little steps forward, to get to a place in your life that you've earned, and then get knocked down because someone is judging you on paper, says "not good enough" and then someone who's supposed to love you treats you as "inconvenient", it's not something that makes you want to jump out and say "look at me"... well for me, anyway... It makes me recoil and hide from everything.  I'm fighting that a LOT right now.

I'm sore.
I'm tired.
I'm angry.
I'm frustrated.
I'm alone.

I just feel so wimpy and defeated.
Image result for white flag

1 comment:

Amanda Schuh said...

You're not alone and I'm here if you want to talk or not talk, either one. Hang in there, girl!