Tuesday, April 7, 2015

Me? Single? HA! (Always!)

This Buzzfeed article cracked me UP!

So much so that I had to reply to each of the "You're single because..." Assumptions

These were half true, have obnoxious, and mostly ridiculous, but true.  But not really.

1. You're too busy to meet new people.
2. You're mixing in the wrong circles.
*maybe, but I like my circles.
3. All your friends settled down super early and don't introduce you to single people any more.
*not really… I have a good mix of single v. marrieds
4. You're too intimidating.
*I've heard this before.
5. You have the aura of someone who isn’t single.
*um, no, I'm pretty sure my aura screams “SINGLE”
6. You're too modest to notice when someone likes you.
*totally. Well maybe not modest, but more so oblivious
7. You've been misremembering your phone number for years.
*No, I know my number. I don't usually give it out.
8. There are loads of people with your name on Facebook, which makes you difficult to find.
*Nope, there’s only one other me and she’s in Louisiana
9. You're better looking than most people.
10. You live in an ugly area of town.
*no, my part of town is pretty pretty
11. And everyone at your work is ugly, apart from you.
*no, they're just all married or hooked up, I think.
12. And all of your friends are ugly.
13. And all of their friends are ugly.
*again, nope.
14. And you are just intimidatingly gorgeous.
*above average, yes. But this, no.
15. Your Tinder pictures are too modest.
*No “Tinder”.
16. Your OkCupid profile doesn’t reflect your shining personality.
*No online dating profiles anywhere.
17. Everyone on match.com is too basic for you.
*see #16
18. You're too independent.
*Probably. But I've had to be.
19. Your political views are too advanced for your generation.
*No, I think those are pretty even and laid back.
20. Your conversation is too intellectual for your peers.
* I can be a bit cerebral and witty… too intellectual? I don’t think so.
21. You're going to the wrong bars.
22. Everyone at the bars you go to is uglier than you.
*Not uglier, just younger.
23. And more stupid.
*See #22
24. And less fun.
*Oh I'm fun, I’m just the less fun one.
25. You're too spontaneous, and people can’t keep up.
*Spontaneity scares me.
26. People are too exhausted to hang out with you because you’re so much fun.
*No, it’s more or less the other way around.
27. Your star quality is so bright, it blinds potential suitors.
* I think it’s dulled down a little bit.
28. Your personality is so warm, it makes people sweat.
*This could be part of it.
29. You’re so hot, you burn anyone who looks at you too long.
*Whatever. Shut up.
30. Your conversation is so deep that after talking to you people have to ponder your thoughts for weeks, and that’s why they never call you back.
*Yeah, I totally over-think and go off on random, irrelevant tangents.
31. You’re so sassy, people are afraid of your shade.
*I’m a classy sassy, or at least I try to be.
32. People like you so much that they can’t risk asking you out for fear of rejection.
*Yeah, whatever. Short list, if any.
33. You’re so cool that people don’t want to be compared to you.
*Yeah, that’s it. Smh.
34. You’re too revolutionary.
35. People assume that phones are too mainstream for you, and so never ask for your number.
*I can guarantee this isn’t it at all.
36. You’re such a catch, people can’t believe you’re not taken.
37. You’re so funny, people always wet themselves in your company and then don’t want to get too close in case you smell the pee.
*Oh, well that makes complete (albeit disgusting) sense.
38. You’re so interesting that people are scared of boring you with their mundane chat.
39. People assume you’re so cultured you've seen every film ever made, so they never ask you to go to the cinema with them.
*More doubtful (more of the “I’m not cultured enough and  probably wouldn't understand it")
40. People think you’re too responsible for alcohol so don’t ask you out for drinks.
*Ha! Ha! Ha! My friends know better
41. People think you’re so fit you must run everywhere so never ask you to go for a walk in the park with them.
*More that I can’t keep up, so the walk would take too long.
42. People think you’re so creative that all art ever made must bore you, so never ask you to go to a museum with them.
*No, I’m just a crazy craft lady.  They are all very scared of the mess.
43. You’re so godly, people assume you’re not human and don’t eat normal food so don’t ask you out to dinner.
*Godly?  Haha. I don’t think that’s ever been thought of about me.  
44. People think you are just so great and beautiful and interesting and funny that there is no way in hell you can be single, and if you were you would never go out with them, and that is why you are still looking for someone as equally fabulous as you.
*Exactly. ;-)

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